Hi!! I am 15 and in the tenth grade and I need some help..I like this beautiful girl and my friend knows this. Okay about two weeks ago one of my friend kissed me while we were walking back to work. I didn’t say anything to him then because I though it was just a friendly kiss, but it really bothered me. About a week later he tried to do it again and I stopped him and he asked why I stopped him. I told him that the last time he kissed me I felt like a cheating jerk because of my crush on this girl. He proceeded to get angry at me and screams “WHY DO YOU LIKE GIRLS??WHY DO YOU LIKE HER???SHE DOESN’T EVEN LIKE YOU SO STOP ACTING LIKE SUCH A (insert bad word here)!!!” It hurt my feelings a lot because I know that he is too bisexual and I’ve never said anything to him to make him feel bad about it. I stopped talking to him unless it is work related…What should I do about this? I don’t want to lose a long time friend. And also what should I do about the girl I like? Should I tell her I like her because I can’t help but to think about her almost every second of the day…What is it about this girl that made me feel bad after kiss him? Please help me.
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Hey there and thank you so much for contacting us here at Trevor. It is really brave of you to be so candid with your feelings. Your situation sounds like it is frustrating to say the least. Just accepting yourself as bisexual has it’s challenges. Having what feels like more than a crush on a person is also challenging. But, what seems the most challenging is having a person try to make advances and when told no–make challenges against your answer. This is not only frustrating but could also be scary. I can appreciate your feeling pulled in two directions so to speak. Plus, how disheartening it must be to feel such feelings for this girl and not know whether to tell her or not.
I cannot tell you to tell or not to tell as that answer is only going to come from within you. But, I will offer some useful resources that hopefully you’ll find helpful. It sounds as if the words that were used by this boy were rather aggressive in themselves. It’s important to remember that this aggression can always be taken to a higher level. You’re safety must always be thought of first and foremost. Secondly, in regards to revealing who you are to a person it may help to ask yourself how you feel about keeping that very important part of yourself a secret from that person. On one hand it can be very freeing and empowering to share that important part of who you are. On the other hand if taken badly may may affect the friendship. On the other hand, if received well she may accept your being bisexual but not your feelings for her. The type of answers must be considered and are they ones you are willing to accept and live with. If there is a GSA (gay/straight alliance) in your school may be one way of finding some comfortability in revealing who you are to others. This is very empowering as well. A GSA is a school group for LGBTQ youth and straight youth are invited to so to enhance a feeling of acceptance and tolerance toward eachother. if there is no GSA at your school go to http://www.gsanetwork.org/resources/start.html you can get information on how to start a GSA. This could positively affect all of your relationships. You might also try just having a conversation around people you are thinking of telling that involve a known gay actress or actor like in Glee. See what their response is and that could tell you whether to have this self-revealing conversation in the first place.
Knowing you are worth being treated with respect and dignity is a really important part of all of this. Making sure you are respecting your own feelings is the start. Check into resources and gain knowledge about your situation. If the choices you want to make are made with the feeling of self respect behind them they can never be wrong. Finally, we offer TrevorSpace. It is a safe social networking option for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24 and their allies. Here, you can meet others and make friends. You may find others dealing with the same issues you are. If you ever need to talk to someone directly call 24/7 at 866-4-U-TREVOR. I am so pleased to have had the opportunity to offer some assistance. You are worth it and you are NEVER alone!