My family has to know it someday

Question:

Hi! i´m bisexual mi friends know it and accept it, except my best friend that don’t know anything because I’ve never told her and she lives far of me to notice. some time ago I thought “My family doesn’t have to know it I can tell they are just friends, finally I´ll marry with a guy” I know it sounds funny but now I know it isn’t a children’s game and that I would like to have a girldfriend, be proud and tell my family i love her. Been trying to tell them, but I can’t. My family is always shouting and angry but I would like to tell them I’m bisexual and maybe it can joins un more like family but I don’t know how to tell them and less because my father says homosexuality is wrong what makes me feel even more guilty of being born like this as there’s nothing I could change. please need help! Thanks!

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Answer:

Trevor Staff

Dear Akeb,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. Coming out to your family can be a very complex and even risky process, so asking for guidance and support is a very wise thing to do. Your feelings of guilt and shame around your sexuality are not uncommon for someone in your situation, but we can assure you that there is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing to change, and you are a beautiful, loveable, unique person just the way you are.

Families and friends react in various ways to their children and friends coming out. Many times it is a positive experience for everyone and can unite families and make relationships stronger, something you hope could happen for you and your family. But there are also negative reactions and relationships can be strained or even destroyed. So it is important to think through your situation carefully and ask yourself some important questions. Here are some questions you can ask yourself: Do you feel distressed that you are not out to your family? Are you worried that if you told your family, you’d be unsafe physically or emotionally? Are you worried that if they were upset that they might kick you out of the house? If you decided to tell them and they did kick you out, do you have a safety plan, meaning a safe place where you could live and continue to go to school and a way to support yourself financially? In order to be well prepared to come out to family, some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financially independent before coming out to their family. Only you can decide when it is best to come out to your family. What is really important is that you are comfortable with your decision and are safe.

There are many things to think about when making this decision. To help you out with more suggestions and guidance, you can check out these websites that we think can be helpful: 1) http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gay-and-lesbian-well-being/201103/should-you-come-out-your-parents, and 2) http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf. And here are two resources that could potentially be helpful for your parents if/when the time comes: 1) http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=194, and 2) http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf

Akeb, we are always here for you to support you and help in any way we can. You can always get in touch with us through our website 24/7 at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/.

Sincerely,

Ask Trevor

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I´m Mexican maybe my english is horrible!…

Akeb

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