My Friends and I Have a Group

Published Letter #2849 - Posted in , , and tagged as .

Question:

My friends and I created a group where we talk about all of the personal problems we have. We call ourselves the “boobaholics.” It’s a group of girls and none of us are out [as gay or lesbian]. We all sit around shirtless and talk and sometimes we make out with each other. We have all agreed that It means nothing to us. To be honest, thought, I am not certain of my sexuality. But thats not the real problem. The real problem is that we haven’t really talked about what would happen if one of us was gay. One of my friends said that if someone was gay we should just not make out with that person. I understand that you might not want to make out with a lesbian if you’re straight, but the whole thing just seems very homophobic to me. The way my friend said it was just not welcoming. Like, if I turned out to be gay, all of my friends would treat me differently.

Answer:

First of all, the things you’re feeling and the questions you’re asking are positive and important. It’s very smart of you to reach out with questions about who you’re attracted to and questions regarding the behavior of the people you spend you’re time with and trust with your secrets.

It’s absolutely normal to question your sexuality and not be sure whether you’re a lesbian, bisexual, straight or something else. Many, many people have faced the same questions. Oftentimes, people “experiment” or question their sexuality when they’re young before they decide whether they’re attracted to guys, girls or both. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might be important to ask whether you’re physically, emotionally or romantically attracted to both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (gay/lesbian/homosexual) or people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). But there’s no rush to figure out your sexuality. Take your time and know that no matter what you end up discovering, there are plenty of people just like you.

To your second issue, it’s important to listen to yourself and understand that it’s OK to disagree with your friends. Many people your age are insecure and questioning who they are or their sexuality. This might explain why your friends have said the things they have about a lesbian being a part of your group. Understand that despite what people say, it’s totally normal to be lesbian or bisexual. And even though the idea of a lesbian being in your group makes your friends uncomfortable now, that doesn’t mean it always will. Many people go through phases of being unsure of their attitudes towards lesbian, gay and bisexual people, but, especially it today’s world, many of those people end up being very accepting and loving later on. If you find that you are a lesbian or bisexual and you tell your friends and discover they aren’t accepting, there will always be other people in your life that will love you regardless of your sexuality. Things do get better after middle and high school.

If you want more information about what it means to be a lesbian, check out this Advocates for Youth website: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177. Additionally, here’s a great website that focuses on coming out but also has some excellent information about being gay, lesbian or bisexual: http://www.hrc.org/resources/category/coming-out. Lastly, PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a great resource that connects people who love and support LGBTQ people: http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=191.

And remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, we are always here for you. Don’t hesitate to call us at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-73867).

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff