My girlfriend’s mom

Question:

Dear Trevor,

I’m a 16 year old semi-out High School student. I’ve known what I liked since I was 11; being gay was never an issue to me, in fact, until now. I was in the closet until I was 13, when I started coming out to my friends. They couldn’t have been more supportive. I finally came to my mom last year through a letter after I met the girl who is currently my girlfriend. We’ve been together for 7 months and I feel like she’s the love of my life. She came out to her mom a little while after i did. Her parents are not as supportive as my mom is. They treat her like crap when it comes to this and her mom won’t even look at my face. My girlfriend is currently coursing her first year of year college so we only see each other once a week.

A couple of hours ago I received a call from her and she told me her mom had finally bursted. She started yelling at her and telling her she will never be okay with it, that she was going to tell the rest of her family, that it would have been better if she would’ve gone to college out of the country so she wouldn’t have met me. My girlfriend doesn’t own a car even though she’s 19 she still depends on her parents for everything and I’m afraid. I feel like someone keeps throwing rocks at my face. I used to suffer from depression and I tried to commit suicide 3 years ago. Thank God I’m okay now, but I feel like everything’s coming back. Like, my life is falling apart again. I don’t want to happen, I’ve been through so much. I can’t to anyone, not my friends, nor a counselor, not even my mom. I have so much pressure on my back and I’m only 16. I can’t take this anymore. I need help I don’t know what to do, I’m tired of fighting this constant war.

I’m proud of who I am and I’m sure things will get better but I want them to get better now because this is how I feel at this point in my life.

Answer:

Trevor Staff

Hello,

First, I would like to commend you on your confidence with your sexuality. Your girlfriend is very fortunate to have someone in her life that she can talk to and is supportive of her. Though, it sounds like the situation is stressful. I want you to know you are not alone. It sounds like you have a supportive group of friends and your mom.

Coming out is a process that is different for everyone. It sounds like your girlfriend’s parents had a very negative response to her coming out which is unfortunate. Sometimes, people need some time to get used to the fact that someone is LGBTQ or they don’t understand what it means to be LGBTQ. If you girlfriend feels comfortable and safe, she might want to tell her parents about an organization called Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). It supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents become more supportive and accepting of a person’s sexual orientation. Under the link “Get Support” on their website (pflag.org), you should find some helpful pamphlets. PFLAG also runs support groups. You can find a chapter near you through the website. If there is not a chapter near you or your girlfriend’s parents won’t go, you or your girlfriend can always contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help her parents become more understanding.

Remember that your health is very important. I strongly encourage you to talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling. You mentioned that your friends and mom were supportive of you. They might be a good choice or a trusted teacher, family member or neighbor. If none of those seem like a good option for you, the Trevor Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386). You may also want to visit http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm. It provides information about depression and some tips to help beat it. On http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/MHTreatmentLocator/faces/quickSearch.jspx, you can look for mental health services in your area. If you ever get to the point where you feel you might act on thoughts of suicide, you should call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to reach out to The Trevor Project. If you have any more questions or just need someone to talk to, you can always contact us again. The lifeline is open 24/7. We also have TrevorChat which is available Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday 4 pm – 10 pm Eastern Time. You may also be interested in joining Trevor’s social networking site, TrevorSpace. It is similar to Facebook except it is made especially for LGBTQ and allies ages 13-24. It is a great way for you to connect with people from all over the world.

Your friend,

Trevor Staff