My mom walked in on me watching gay porn in the bathroom and I am scared of what’s gonna happen next. I think she might tell my aunts and they might start questioning me about my sexuality and I am really scared of this
I think being gay is not a bad thing though.
Letter submitted by:
Being gay is certainly not a bad thing at all! Being comfortable with oneself is a very good place to start, regardless if one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight. However, with your mom catching you in a very intimate or curious moment can be quite unsettling and the thought of your personal privacy being shared with your family can also be an unpleasant experience. You should know that sexual curiosity and the desires you feel to explore them are also very normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Each person has a comfort zone as to when to share with their family and friends sensitive, private details about themselves and sometimes it happens that our comfort zone is compromised by unexpected situations such as your mom walking in on you. People of all orientations share a general curiosity of sexuality in general and it is important to be accepting and understanding each other. Regardless of your motivation to view gay porn, whether to explore your own feelings or just to check it out, is a very normal thing to do. The fact that your mom became upset might be more focused on the porn part of it and not necessarily the gay part of it and her anger certainly is a concern for you. However, if you think that your family will question your sexuality or be upset like you mother is because of the subject being gay, then I do have some information that I can share with you. A very important goal is for you to feel yourself safe and not have to be afraid of others and how they feel about one’s sexuality.
The acceptance of our friends and family is very important to any of us. Rejection and the fear of how they will react to us are certainly understandable. We want for those around us to accept us for who we are as well as to be accepting to our points of view. You do not think being gay is a bad thing, which it isn’t, and are hopeful that your family feels the same way. If you are afraid that they don’t feel the same way as you, then there is actually some hope for both you and them. Many people are open to understanding people outside the straight world and you may be surprised as to how many allies the LBGT family has as well as how many organizations exist to help people along the road to understanding and compassion.
I’d like to share with you some other resources that may offer some information for both you and family and friends. If you think that you may be gay and would like to read about how others deal with this question, please refer to the following web site:
If you are curious about being bisexual, then the following link is very useful:
Also, if you are curious about how people deal with coming out, here is an excellent resource for you to look at:
The important thing is to feel yourself safe in breaching the topic with your family, should it come up. There is an organization that is also designed for families and friends of lesbians and gays, called Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays or PFLAG for short. They offer support and guidance for family members to understand and cope with their loved one. Their web site is: http://pflag.org.
And finally, here is a very nice resource with links to help out LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning) in the state of Virginia:
We are always here for you at The Trevor Project and I offer you to write us with any questions you have or to join our Trevor Space, our social space to meet other young people who are dealing with questions and issues such as yourself. If you have any emergency situation, please do not hesitate in contacting us for immediate assistance at 1-866-488-7386.