My mom sent me to a counselor to try and fix me

Question:

Dear Trevor,
When my mom sent me to a counselor to try and fix me I told him I was pansexual. I began to open up but then he stops me and questions if pansexuality is even real and that I’m probably going through a phase. I haven’t come out to my mom but she questions if pansexuality is even real as well. Why does everyone question if its real, tell me its a phase or insult me when all I really wanted to hear was “it’s OK Katelyn” counseling hasn’t been helping with anything I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so depressed and I tend to bottle things in. I need help.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Trevor Staff

Dear 14th/Katelyn:
You are a courageous young woman. I am proud of you for writing; for having the willingness and conviction to reach out for help and understanding. Katelyn, it sounds like I’ll be the first to express this truth to you: “It is okay.” I won’t be the last though; if you continue to seek for the answers and for self-awareness, from others and from within your own heart, you are sure to hear that more often, more clearly. It is okay.

It sounds like you’re going through a tough time right now. And it’s made worse by those close to you (your mother and your counselor) not understanding you. But instead of giving up, you’re still searching for those who do understand. You’ll start finding those here at The Trevor Project. Trevor Space (www.trevorspace.org) is our safe, online networking site. You are sure to find others who get it; who are going though or have gone through just what you’re describing. As you make contact and share with others you’ll learn that you’re not alone. And you’ll become even more secure and comfortable in your sexuality.

As you become more comfortable, you may find that down the road that you’ll want to let those close to you in – to share your truths with them. Coming out is a deeply personal experience, and how it happens (when, how, to whom) is largely based on one’s own circumstances. Because of this, no cut-and -dried instructions can be written. However, there are some universal helpful hints. First off, there is no rush. It’s important for you to feel safe around those to whom you come out. When coming out to parents, some wait until they’re out of the parents’ home and are more financially independent. For others who come out before establishing that independence, have a safety plan in important. A safety plan in having an alternate place to go – a GLBTQ community center or a sympathetic family member or friend’s house where they can stay. Hearing other people experience with coming out is an invaluable tool. Trevor Space is great for that too. Another resource for you to try is http://www.bisexual.org. And at http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a very helpful brochure with great information for young people of all sexual identities. And as you come out to friends and family, be sure to let them know about PFLAG (www.pflag.org). Sometimes those we’re close to will want to embrace our sexual identity, but need some help of their own in doing that. PFLAG is a great resource for them.

I’m so glad you wrote to us. Please know that we’re always here for you.

All my best,
Trevor