my parents wont accept me

Question:

hi my name is alexis and my parents wont accept me…
i am a bisexual and im sure of it i. my parents have both told me that if i ever became bi or lesbian they would kick me out of the house… WHAT SHOULD I DO? Should i tell them or should i not??? HELP MEEEE

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Answer:

Hi Alexis,

I’m so glad you wrote to The Trevor Project about this, that itself was a brave thing to do.  It’s also great that you have accepted your own sexuality. That is always the most important and often the hardest step. The next hardest of course is telling those closest to you. Coming out is a huge step on the journey and is especially hard if our families have made us feel that they won’t be accepting of what we have to tell them. As this is the case for you, it’s very importand that you have someone close to you who can support you as  come out to your parents. A close friend maybe , or even a brother or sister or even a teacher.  Someone who is there for you, who you can turn to for help if neccessary, or who can provide a safe place for you to stay if necessary.  All this will help to make you feel safe and will make telling your parents easier.

Usually all the negative stuff our parents say comes from a place of fear and ignorance.  Fear for you and your safety, and ignorance of what it really means to be LGBT.  The only things they may know about being LGBT may have come from all the negative images, stereotypes and scaremongering that goes on in society and the media. Once they start to learn the truth, about you and about what it really means (and doesn’t mean) to be LGBT, their fear will hopefully start to lessen and the love that they have for you will be able to come through.

So, before you take this step, it might be a good idea for you to practice what it is you want to say, maybe write it out so it’s all clear in your head first. The more clear you are, the better equipped you’ll be to answer their questions and deal with their fears.

The good news is that there are masses of great organizations that can help you with this. The Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf , might be helpful.

Also try this one: http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions there’s an article called “Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About” .

There’s an organization called PFLAG which you should also check out: Pflag.org. Check out the families and friends section. This will give you information that you can pass on to your parents. Remember fear and ignorance is often at the root of so much that is difficult about coming out.  Information that you can offer to your parents to help them to understand you and their own feelings and fears will only help the process along.

If you want to get some peer feedback, try TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who have been through or are going through what you are dealing with.

You can also all the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 24 hours 7 days a week, if you need to talk to someone.

You are not alone Alexis, coming out is such a personal and brave thing to do.  You are clearly a brave and thoughtful person, but must only do this when you feel ready and supported.  The information you find  on these sites will definitely help.

Good luck to you  Alexis, we are always here for you.

The Trevor Project