My second crush on a girl

Question:

Once I had a crush on my best friend and I told someone because I was feeling like it was wrong for me to like a girl and I was very unhappy. She told everyone and it ruined our friendship. I am sort of friends with my first crush now but I feel hurt around her, because she said homophobic things after she found out. I know she didn’t mean them and she was just feeling uncomfortable around me but they still hurt. Anyway it just ruined my life so much I promised I would never have a crush on a girl again. But now I have a crush on my neighbor. She is older than me and we’ve known each other a long time. We never talk about LGBTQ people so I don’t know how she feels about them. I’m really scared and I don’t want to ruin another friendship. Thank you for reading.

Answer:

Hi :

In your letter you say you confided in someone about your feelings for your best friend. The fact that you may crush on a girl is not wrong, but your friend did not return your feelings and said something that hurt you when she found out you had a crush on her. She also let people know that your friendship with her was no longer the same, ruined as you put it. Your feelings of hurt are hard to get over even though your friendship has resumed in some manner. It’s good that you recognized her discomfort and the possible reasons for the things she said. It’s also good that a part of your friendship survived. Your letter states that you are attracted to your neighbor and you are not sure how she feels about LGBTQ and you don’t want to do anything to jeopardize this new friendship.  At AskTrevor we are glad that you would turned to us.  Don’t be scared you’re young and there is time for relationships.

There is always a risk approaching someone who may not be receptive to how you feel about them whether they are straight or gay. It will be your decision to let someone know that you are attracted to girls and how you feel about them. Ultimately always be safe. It may be better to let the friendship and conversations develop naturally and just see where it goes. There are groups you can turn to for support. Check to see if there is a Pflag in your area. You can check http://capwiz.com/pflag/officials/locality/?entity_id=26512&state=RI.

There may be a friend, family member or counselor you can talk to about what you are dealing with. You are never alone and your feelings for girls are not *wrong*. If this is who you are there is nothing wrong with it be happy. You are not alone check out Trevorspace for support at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. Maybe you can connect to someone with the same questions that you’re having. You might try Trevor Chat at http://staging.thetrevorproject.org/chat. Then there is Trevor Life Line where you can find a experienced counselor 1-866-488-7386.  You  can even write again to AskTrevor. The Trevor Project is here for you.

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