Nobody understands me

Question:

Lately I have been non-stop crying,angry,and just disapointed in myself,I lost my grandmother a little over a year ago and I hardly ever get to see my siblings,and I feel like such a dissipointment to my family.I don’t find myself pretty and I know I am fat and need to loose weight.But I just don’t know how,I wear makeup to make myself feel like I am worth something but it hasn’t been working lately.A couple of people at school tease me and I can’t get my ex-boyfriend to stop calling me names.I think he is mad that I broke up with him.Just help me understand what is wrong please.

Answer:

First off I want to commend you for coming to Ask Trevor for help, the feelings you have must be overwhelming and it took a lot of courage to express them. What you are feeling, thoughts of not being pretty, being a disappointment and fat are all common to many people, so you are not alone. Like I mentioned earlier, it takes courage to express your feelings, and having that makes you a very strong, so please know that.

Life can be a very confusing at times and losing a family member can often make it a lot harder. If coping with the loss of your grandmother is hard, I would suggest trying to find someone to talk to like a friend, or a family member you feel close to. Talking this out may help ease the pain you feel and allow you to see things in a different light, and may also help you with some of the other issues you are struggling with. Body images issues like not feeling pretty or wanting to lose weight can really take a toll on someone, but know that you are beautiful, and strong. I know that you may not believe me, but you are and it may be hard but you need to block out what everyone else says about you. If you don’t feel that the makeup is making you feel pretty, then try doing something else like go to the store and buy yourself something you feel makes you look pretty, or even just try different things with make up or your hair that make you feel like you because you are great and deserve to feel as amazing as you truly are. Kids at school including  you ex may tease you but as hard it may seem you have to block them out. I do agree with you and that your ex may just be mad or even hurt that you broke up with him, it does not excuse his behavior one bit so do not focus on him because you broke up with him for a reason (Remember That). As far as thinking that your family think you are a disappointment, I feel that you should talk to them about how you are feeling because it may seem that way, but parents for the most part just want what they think is best for you, but if you sit down with them and really talk to them you will see how much they love you and care about you. And if you don’t want to talk to them, call up one of your siblings I know you said you don’t see them very often but shoot them an email, a text or call them and just check in with them.

Here are a couple of links that you may found helpful:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/emotional_health/coping_with_death_and_grief.aspx

http://www.gurl.com/videos/counseling-advice-for-girls/body-image-blues/

I hope the links help you, and remember that you are a strong person and you are not alone. There are a lot of people here for you, you can alwayss write to us again, join us on Trevor Chat, call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, but don’t ever think you are alone.

Take Care

Trevor Staff