None of my family understand why I keep getting upset and not eating, they think I’m just doing it for attention probably. But I feel so lonely, I don’t feel like I can talk to anybody about this because my sister grew up with mental health problems, whenever I mention anything about me being sad they shout at me and say that I don’t know what sad it. I just want to end all of this, I have recently thrown away all of my blades and feel like I have no way to deal with the pain, please help me.
Letter submitted by:
Thank you for contacting The Trevor Project and sharing your personal struggles. You are very brave for being so open about everything you feel and think. The loneliness and pain you feel are clear from your letter. I understand how not being heard must be upsetting to you.
Family is so important. When the people we are closest to don’t listen to what we have to say that can feel very painful and discouraging. Your feelings of lonliness that stem from this are understandable. Do you think your parents get angry and shout at you because they are afraid given your sisters history with mental illness? Do you think next time try talking to them about feeling alone because you have no one to talk to? Once you have their attention then you can talk to them about what makes you sad. You can also point out that everyone has a different sadness and you are not comparing what you feel with anyone else. Try to make them see that you are unique and have a different set of issues that are troubling you. If this does not help is there anyone else you feel comfortable talking to? Maybe a school counselor or even a close relative?
You mentioned that you are upset and feel sad. Is there something in particular that is causing this sadness? Did something happen recently that has triggered these feelings? Maybe you can keep a journal of your feelings. Keeping feelings bottled up often makes things worse. This might be one way to deal with the sadness while you try to talk to your parents.
I saw that you recently threw your blades away. This is a bold and powerful step. You should explore what gave you the courage to make such a decision. Use this as your source of strength whenever you feel lonely and upset. While blades may be a temporary coping mechanism sustained use is dangerous and harmful. It ends up causing more damage in the long run, both mental and physical. Your strength is admirable.
I encourage you to join TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org) which is a safe online social networking site run by the Trevor Project for youth between the ages of 13 to 24. As part of this supportive community, you will have the chance to reach out to other people who maybe going through similar family experiences as you and get ideas of how you can deal with your situation. It will also help you make friends and build a support system to help you through the days when you feel down.
Please write back or call the Trevor lifeline at 866-488-7386 whenever you feel alone or feel like you need to go back to the blades. Call us first. We are here to talk to you and help you. We care deeply about your safety
Take care of yourself and stay strong,