I basically came out to myself as bi about a year ago. I’m completely proud.
The issue I have is that I keep going from obsessing over girls one day and then going to thinking about guys the other day. Maybe this is how its supposed to be but it confuses me.
I go to boarding school so the fact that I haven’t told my parents isn’t much of a big deal. But I feel like I can’t really be myself when I go home. I have given my parents so many clues, I joined GSA, I’m obsessed with LGBT campaigns and I don’t hide it from them.
I have told myself that I will come out to them the day I graduate, but some days I wish I could just get over with it, since I’m really close to my dad and all. It just seems that my whole family is a little homophobic, always making gay jokes, and I’m not sure if they will take it okay. My mom’s best friend is lesbian, but I’m not sure how she feels about her kid being in a lesbian relationship.
I have never told my roommate about my sexuality, it feels as if she’s okay with gay guys but not gay girls. She keeps saying she hates lesbians and it confuses me. I don’t know what to do about her either.
I’m also very lonely and all I want is to be in a relationship but yeah.
I don’t know what to do.
Letter submitted by:
Thank you for writing to the Trevor Project, so you say you came out to yourself. Congratulations to you, you should be proud. Sometimes, its hard to realize who you truly are. For others it takes a while to figure out who they are, but that’s normal. When your young confusion can be a big part of your life, but whether obsessing over men or women. It’s a big decision to think about and yes you will have mixed feeling about it. So your not alone.
If you feel coming out to your parents is something you wanna do and you have given them so many clues ultimately its your decision what’s most important is that you are safe and comfortable with it. Some things you should ask yourself are, Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about them finding out? Are you worried that if you told your family or your friends, you’d be unsafe physically or emotionally? Some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financially independent before telling members of their family about their sexual orientation/gender identity. If you feel now is the right time, that’s absolutely fine. If they haven’t picked up on who you are yet. Parents sometimes cannot see anything until they are told. As for homophobia, its common. Lots of people like to make jokes about it, but to see how people really react without a joke is another situation that’s entirely different.
Some people are fine just saying their sexuality while others find it better to ease into the discussion by first talking about a LGBT actor or character in a movie, book or television show and see how the people in their life react. From that you can begin to see what their true feelings will show concerning that. Here are some resources you can read that may help you: bisexual.org. you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. Another resource to read can be found here: pflag.org, can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. In closing, talk to a trust friend, relative or school counselor. There is also TrevorSpace where you can talk to others who may have been in the same situation www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.