please help

Published Letter #1883 - Posted in , , , .

Question:

Hi, well I’m really depressed..my parents are extremely religious and recently found out i was gay. They say its sinful and wrong and that it was my choice to be this way, and i cant convince them otherwise. I cant live in this house like this, I want to leave, or I don’t know what else to do..please help

Brandon

Answer

Brandon

Coming out to your parents is a big deal – while you didn’t specify how they found out you deserve to be proud of yourself that they know such an important part of your personality. I hope that you feel like a big weight was lifted off of you, despite their unfavorable response.

With that being said, I’m sorry about how they responded to you.  You deserve much better than that.  However I’m sure their response is based on their own historical beliefs more than anything else.  You are not a bad/wrong person for being gay – repeat this to yourself every night if you need to!  I’d also suggest that you surround yourself with folks who have positive views on LGBT individuals.  While this can be challenging depending on the size/location of your town, I’d suggest reaching out to a trusted adult you’ve dealt with in the past – maybe a favorite teacher, neighbor, or even an LGBT-friendly clergymember, etc.   Having an adult role model like this can really be a great help.

You may be pleasantly surprised that there are many gay and lesbians who actively participate in their religions.   You can be religious and gay at the same time.  You can find more information on the LGBT faith community at www.welcomingresources.org.  For your parents, there is an organization called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation. Their website can be accessed at www.pflag.org and it lots of helpful information for you and your parents. In particular, you may want to check out their guide “Faith in our Families: Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality,” which you can access here: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf.

In addition, we are always here at Ask Trevor as well as the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (for immediate assistance). Please remember that you are not alone in this process and that we are always here to care and support you.

Regards,

AskTrevor