In the past year or so I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am bisexual. The only person I’ve told is my best friend, and she was completely supportive. The problem is, I’m in love with her. She was one of the reasons I started to question my sexuality in the first place. I can’t tell her because she was sexually abused by a girl as a child and can hardly stand to be hugged, let alone have any physical or emotional romantic relationship with a girl. Also, she has a boyfriend right now and he’s really good for her and seems to make her happy. I could never take that away from her. On top of all that, I don’t even know if she’s bi or not. So then, how do I get over this so I can be around her without wanting to kiss her every time I look at her?
We are really glad you reached out to Ask Trevor. Please know you are not alone, and we are here for you at The Trevor Project. You identify with bisexuality, which is having physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders. Being LGBT is natural and normal. Having an attraction to someone of the same gender is absolutely a normal thing to experience. I am sorry to hear what happened to your best friend. No one has the right to abuse another person, particularly a child who has not even evolved into an adult and is helpless. Children should especially feel safe as they mature into adulthood, and adults should feel safe even as adults. Have you thought of perhaps recommending your best friend talk to a therapist about the abuse she endured? This could potentially be a way for her to talk about the situation and possibly feel more comfortable talking about it with a professional. At some point you might discover she does identify as a bisexual or maybe she is comfortable with remaining a heterosexual woman. There are some resources out there that can help you and others around you regarding sexuality/gender identity. Time, understanding, and support are important as you continue to explore the person you are today and the person you will become in the future. A support network can be extremely helpful as those around you become more and more understanding and supportive of you. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on “Get Support” then click on “For Family & Friends” where you’ll find the pamphlets “Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People” and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one’s sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they’re having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won’t attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you. You may also want to check out Trevorspace for support at www.trevorspace.org the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity. There are also a few other Trevor resources that might be helpful. We always have the free, confidential and 24-7 Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-Trevor. You can call anytime you want to talk to someone, day or night. You can also visit TrevorChat for a safe conversation with one of our trained volunteers (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat). We hope some of these resources help you as you continue to learn about yourself.
The Trevor Project