I’m 16 years old, and I’m pansexual. I’ve always been attracted to girls and boys since I was a kid, but through recent “soul-searching”, I identify as pansexual. The only people who know about me in my family are my father and step-mom. My friends know as well. What concerns me is my mother’s side of the family.
I have thought about coming out to my mom’s side for a while now, especially when I had a girlfriend, but never could. My mom’s side of the family are religious, I’ve been raised in a sheltered Christian environment. They believe firmly that being gay is a sin, and my grandmom (she’s the really religious one) have had very heated arguments about being gay and what the Bible says. My family has always said that they support whatever I want to do and be, but they’re always saying that gay people are immoral and shouldn’t be allowed to marry and that they’re sinning. And making fun of my stepmom for being bisexual. You know how that kind of thing can make you feel, right?
I’ve actually tried to come out to my grandmom once as bisexual, and she literally looked at me with a horrified expression and said “you like to have sex with women?” I mean, come on I’m only 16 years old.
There are tons of more reasons why I am terrified of coming out. I’m afraid that members of my family will cast me out or disown me or something of the sort. But I also want them to know that part of me, I don’t want to hide from them. I want to be able to go out with girls or boys or trans* or whomever without them freaking out.
I don’t know what to do. All of this is worsening my depression and self-harm issues. I don’t want to get any worse by indirectly being at the butt of their jokes.
Letter submitted by:
Answer:Thank you for writing to Trevor. For a 16 year old, you are very mature
very brave. Congratulations on coming out to some people. It takes a
courage to do that and you should be very brave. Figuring out who
come out to is a difficult situation. You said that you have
come out to your
father and step-mom, how have they reacted to it? If
they are supportive, ask
them what they think of you telling your mom’s
side of the family. Your
father must know them so he can give you some
insight on to how he thinks
they will react. If you feel more
comfortable with coming out to only a few
people at a time or even just
starting with your mother, then maybe that is a
good start. Talk to her
first and see her reaction then talk to her about
coming out to the rest
of her family. The important thing is that you feel
safe when you do
come out. Gay jokes are never ok and of course they feel
especially when they are directed at you. Having a good support
does help. Having friends around you and family can make a
difference so I understand why you want them to know. You also have
outweigh what is best. If you tell them, will you feel the relief that
it is off your chest even if they make fun of you? Or is it better not
tell them so you don’t get the ridicule? I would first start with
with you dad and get his impute then sit down with just your
mother and let
her know how you feel