should i even give him another chance

Published Letter #1835 - Posted in , , , , , , , .

Question:

Trevor,
my mom and dad disapprove of lebians, bisexuals, and gays. i am bisexual, but since they do not approve of things like this, i do not know how i would ever be able to tell them. but its killing me not being honest with them and not telling them, but i dont know how they will react. and since the 4th of july i have been feeling this empty hole in my heart because my boyfriend dumped me. he dumped me for no reason. i still have feelings for him and he knows it because i told him. and he said that he still have feelings for me but he cant have a girlfriend right now because he needed time to think. but last friday we were hanging out and he ditched me because he wanted to go “hang out with his frind” but he went with his friend and he started asking other girls out after he told me he couldnt have a girlfriend. so the next night he started texting me and i told him that i was mad at him because of what he did and he said that he shouldnt have done it and he was wrong for doing it. and i forgave him. but was i right to forgive him? i am in love with him, but im not so sure about his feelings for me. he has lied to me and possibly cheated on me. i am thinking about giving him a note thursday basically im in love with him and i wanna go back out. should i give it to him? should i even give him another chance?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

You are very brave for reaching out to The Trevor Project with these questions and concerns. What you are going through is very normal. First, you should know that bisexuality is very natural, and many young people are struggling with the same sort of thing that you’re struggling with. Second, relationship issues like what describe are also a common occurrence, and I can certainly understand why you’ve felt the need to reach out to The Trevor Project.

Bisexuality is very normal and I encourage you to do a little research so that you may better understand your sexuality. Remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic, as well as physical feelings and attraction to another person. When considering your own sexuality, ask yourself if you’ve had crushes on guys, girls, or both sexes. Have you had physical, emotional, and/or romantic feelings for a person of the same sex, the opposite sex, or both? I encourage you to continue to read more about bisexuality and recommend reading PFLAG’s “Bisexuality 101”, which you can find here: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf .

Also remember that you should only come out when you are absolutely ready.  There is no right way to come out, nor is there a right person to whom you should come out. Coming out is all about comfort – come out in the way you feel most comfortable, to the person with whom you feel the most comfortable, and, most importantly, at the time at which you feel most comfortable. In regards to your parents, keep in mind that your safety is your upmost importance. If you do have a fear that your parents may react harshly, either emotionally or physically, or may even kick you out of your home because of your sexuality, you may want to come up with a safety plan. Again, your safety is always key. For more information on coming out, read the Human Right’s Campaign’s guide to coming out, found online here: http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf .

In regards to your relationship issues, remember that you have a right to live a safe and happy life. If the person you are speaking of is somehow making you unhappy, then it may be in your best interest to focus on forming relationships with people who do make you happy. Try spending more time with friends whom you can trust. This will not only take your mind off of your past relationship, but also help you form stronger bonds with people who truly love and care about you. Remember that relationships will come and go. You are young, you have an entire life ahead of you. Don’t try to let one relationship take away from the happiness that you deserve!

I also encourage you to keep in touch with The Trevor Project community. You can certainly find an accepting community through TrevorSpace, The Trevor Project’s social network designed for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24. There is also always someone available to offer you advice, either through our online chat service TrevorChat, located at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat, or through our lifeline, which you can reach by calling 1-866-488-7386.

Trevor Staff