Should I just wait?

Question:

How do you know if you’re ready to come out completely? How do you prepare yourself for that? I’m out to my parents, and some of my close friends, but not to the rest of my family, my older brother, friends and acquaintances, and the whole grade/school.

I want to be open about my sexuality, but I don’t necessarily want to be known as “that lesbian chick” for the rest of high school. I’m only a freshman and I just want all of my friends to know and my acquaintances, but how does that transfer to everyone in my grade and random people knowing? It’s just one part of me and I don’t want people to only see me for that. Some of my friends can be jerks about gay people and especially my dad’s side of the family. Should I just wait? What if I’m secretly in denial about being into guys? What happens if I meet some guy that wows me like no other guys have done? I don’t know what’s out there….My mind just never stops. Help. :/

Kayla

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Kayla,

Thank you for the steps you have taken to obtain support and for your willingness to talk about your concerns with me. It is admirable that you desire to be transparent about your sexual orientation with your community, however, it sounds as though you have a few questions that you have not yet resolved for yourself. Please keep in mind that there is no rush to figure this out. I encourage you to talk about your questions with someone you trust, whether it is a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor. Further, coming out is your decision. What’s most important is that you are safe and comfortable!

Questioning sexual orientation is very natural and being Lesbian, Gay, or Bisexual is normal. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic, as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with—girls, boys, or both.

With regard to sexual orientation, you may find the following resources helpful:

“I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?”      http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177

“Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf

Remember we are always here for you.  The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, and TrevorSpace are also available to you for further support. TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you have discussed here.

Trevor Staff