I’m 19yo female and I’m so confused and scared. Ever since I was little I acted as a boy. When I got older I started acting like a girl more but I really wanted to be a boy. I always liked guys but in high school I started checking out girls too. I always thought only trans was for guys who wanted to be girls. Now that I realized that its for girls who want to be guys I’m starting to think more about that. Maybe that’s for me. I have no idea if I’m bi, FtM trans, or straight. I don’t like a lot of girls so being bi is iffy, I can’t be straight because I like girls too, and if my trans ill most like be a gay FtM trans.
Other questions that keep popping into my head: My family is really homophobic so how will I tell them? Well the be ok with whatever I decide? Should I go all trans and use the T? Should I just keep living the way I’m going now? Are there Gay FtM trans? Is that a thing?
I have a lot of questions and I’m so confused. My main question is: what am I?
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You are very brave for reaching out. Growing up different can be a very scary thing especially when you feel as though you may not fit in anywhere. However, there is always hope and in reaching out, you have displayed the courage necessary to face the beautiful but sometimes challenging future that lies ahead.
Wolfiebaby18, questioning sexual orientation and/or gender identity is very natural. In other words, being LGBT is normal. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about who you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both. Here are some resources that may be helpful to you:
Since discussing your feelings with you family may be difficult, you may want to speak to a trusted guidance counselor in school or a trusted adult. If none of these seem possible, you may want to reach out to the Chicago LGBT center here: http://www.centeronhalsted.org/youth.html. There, you will be able to speak to trusted counselors and have the opportunity to address all your concerns about your gender identity and/or sexual orientation in a safe place.
Through it all, remember that you are the only one who knows who you are and no one should be able to convince you otherwise. It may take time but one day, you will come to understand who you are. Just stay true to yourself.