So confused!!!

Question:

So, lets start out when i was really little, when my parents taught me from a young age that being gay was wrong and that all gays go to hell. Around 8th grade i started to think for myself and realized that gay people were people just like us (my best friend is gay haha) Anyways i didnt start thinking about until last month but every guy that ever asked me out i said no, because i just couldnt imagine being with a guy. and when i made out with guys i didnt feel anything emotionally or physically even though they were guys i had had ” big crushes” on… When i kissed girls, not making out just kissing, it felt well nice i suppose you can say. But whenever i think about the fact that i may be bi or lesbian i cant like accept it for myself maybe its because of what my parents always told me? Im so confused and i talked about it to my sister and said i might be bi and she said it was okay with her but i cant help but feel like she judged me.. and i dont know how to meet more gay people like girls because i havent told much people idk im just confused as hell

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Answer:

Hello there.

First I want to thank you for reaching out to Ask Trevor for advice. Coming out and coming to terms with your sexual identity is never easy. There is never a clear cut answer or way to do it. The situations are always unique. What I can share with you is my own personal experience and how I worked through things. I did not come out officially till later in life. I was 21 when I officially told the world that I was gay. It was not until later after that, that I was truly comfortable with myself as well. From the sounds of your letter I feel you should look inward and really be comfortable with yourself in this situation. It sounds like you have a very supportive sister which is always great to have. Once you are comfortable with yourself it will be much easier to talk to others about it. Make sure to have that support around you when you approach others like your family and friends. Just know that not everyone will be supportive at first. Many of them maybe never but many of them will come around. I know that my personal family at first didn’t like the idea of having a gay son. Now they are my biggest supporters. We have to remember that whatever length it takes us to come to terms with our sexuality we have to give others the same amount of time.

There are several ways maybe to reach out meet other LGBT people your age that might be able to help. In Chicago there is The Center on Halsted http://www.centeronhalsted.org/. I would reach out to them and get involved with their activities.  Maybe there is a straight gay alliance in your school that you can attend. Here are some articles that also might be helpful and give you some direction. The first is http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177 you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” which may help you with your questions about your sexuality. The second is http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Gay…Now What Do I Do?” helpful as well. Another organization that might help you and your family is PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) and there publication ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf which can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out.

As always you reach out to The Trevor Project and use Trevorspace for support and help with your questions. TrevorSpace is at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity. I wish you all the best. These are a very exciting and sometimes frightening times in your life, but trust me when I say that it gets better and easier. Please feel free to contact me as well and please let us know how your journey continues. Wishing you all the best.

Trevor Staff