So I’m afraid of them knowing but I still want to tell my mother,

Question:

I’ve known for quite awhile that I like girls, and have come to accept that for myself. However, when I think about coming out to my mother, I feel so unsure. I am not out to anyone, and really don’t care to come out to anyone while I’m still in high school. But I can’t stop thinking about telling my mother. I am just not sure how she would take it, or how to even go about saying it. She is very conservative and religious. I feel like she would be disappointed with me or say that it’s a phase or that I just need to start going to church again. Also, I know that she would tell my stepfather, and he is even more conservative and has said awful things about gay people and it’s very obvious to me that he doesn’t like them.

So I’m afraid of them knowing but I still want to tell my mother, just to get it over with. How would I go about doing this?

Kelsey

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Answer:

Hi Kelsey -

I am glad you decided to contact the Trevor project about possibly coming out to your mother. The fact that you have taken the time to do research and reach out to us shows me that you are a mature young woman.

Coming out to family and friends is a big step and you only can decide when the time is right. I am going to give you a few tools to help you make the best decision for you. My goal is to keep you happy and safe in a sometimes complicated world.

Positives to coming out - Letting people know who you really are both inside and out can be very liberating. You may meet new friends and possibly feel less alone.

Things to think about - How do you feel keeping this part of your life a secret? Does it stress you out? If you did tell your parents will you be safe physically or emotionally? If you told your parents are you concerned they might kick you out of the house? If they did kick you out, would you have a safe place to stay?

Some people wait until they are no longer living at home and are financially independent. If you feel now is the right time, that is absolutely fine. All we want is for you to be comfortable and safe. I am going to give you a couple of websites that help you prepare for the coming out conversation. I hope you find them helpful. I wish you well and remember if you need us we are always here for you. We are available 24/7 at 866-4-U-TREVOR. You might also check out our TrevorSpace and chat with other youth that have similar issues. Sometimes just talking with someone who has been there is helpful.

Websites – Resource to coming out – www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf