So I’m thinking about/want to come out to more people.

Question:

So I’m thinking about/want to come out to more people. Like, not just my friends but like my parents and my church friends and other adults. My best friend, one of my other friends, and an adult friend already know I’m bi and they all go to my church and they’re fine with it. A few months ago the church decided that it was OK to allow/hire gay pastors so I’m pretty sure most of the people wouldn’t have a problem with me being bi. I think I should come out to my parents first though, I just don’t know how to bring it up/start or what to really say. I can be really awkward sometimes and I don’t want this to be a big deal. I just want to be honest with everyone, I don’t want to have to hold back or be someone I’m not.

Brittany

Answer:

Hey Brittany,

I want to start by congratulating you on having made the decision to come out. It is a very significant time in our lives and not an easy decision to make. It is also really great that you best friend and a couple other friends have already accepted you! It very encouraging to see that people in your life have greeted you with love and acceptance, its beautiful and I am very glad to hear it.

It is also awesome to hear that your church is accepting of LGBTQA and our rights. This is a great sign for your community and a good indicator of where the people in your church may stand on these issues. Your friends in the congregation and community can be a great source of strength and support for you as you begin the coming out process.

Deciding who to come out to first is a decision that only you can know the answer too. Parents are a great place to start but there is no set path you have to take. Telling your parents can also take many different routes and its never easy. That said there are hundreds of resources you can utilize to help you plan it out. This is an article that will help you start to make a plan for starting the conversation. (http://glbtss.colostate.edu/coming-out-to-your-parents). The Human Rights Campaign has also made a guide to help you plan out what you want to say and what you can expect. (http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf). But perhaps the best resource for you are your friends that already know. They know your parents and will be able to give you a more personalized set of advise. Doing all of these things will help you prepare for starting up that conversation.

But what is most important to remember is that nothing has to happen until you are ready. If you are not comfortable starting the conversation then it doesn’t have to happen. You are a beautiful person and it is your right to live as out and free as you please, but nothing has to happen until you are ready. When you are ready and you begin the conversation know that you are not alone in the journey. There is an enormous community of love here supporting you the entire way. We are here for you, wishing you the best.

Sincerely yours,
Trevor