The girl & Coming out

Question:

I’m pansexual but only 2 people know.  Not even my parents know.  I thought I could handle keeping this a secret  for awhile at least until I was ready, but then I met Sidney.  She’s so beautiful and we love all the same things.  I’m constantly thinking of her.  I want to tell her how I feel but she has a boyfriend.  I mean, I’m perfectly fine if she doesn’t accept me.  I just get so nervous when I’m telling people who I really am.  If the kids at school found out I would be made fun of so much!  I just don’t understand why I care what they think so much.  How do I handle my crush and how do I come out of the closet in the process?

Letter submitted by:  ImmaPerson

Answer:

Dear ImmaPerson,

I’m really glad that you wrote to Ask Trevor with your question.   Coming out to family and friends is a very personal decision and everyone has a different time when they are ready and it feels right.  It’s totally your decision and if you feel now is the right time, that’s absolutely fine.  If it is not the right time, that’s fine too!  What is most important is that you feel safe and comfortable telling the people who you care about.  There are many positives to coming out – It can let people in your life know about an important part of your life, it can help you to feel less alone, meet new friends, as well as possibly meet people to date.  In trying to figure out whether or not to come out, it can help to ask yourself some questions including: What does it feel like keeping this part of your life a secret? Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about people finding out? Are you worried that if you told your family or your friends, you’d be unsafe physically or emotionally?

Some people are fine just saying their sexuality while others find it better to ease into the discussion by first talking about a LGBT actor or character in a movie, book or television show and see how the people in their life react.  You might find it helpful to write out and rehearse things you might say.  You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you’ll find an article called “Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About” which may be of help to you.”

Your family and/or friends may have many questions about your sexuality and may need time and help to become more understanding and supportive of you. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation/gender identity.

It’s totally normal to have a crush on close friends.  The first step is to decide when you’re ready to discuss your pansexuality with Sidney.  Then give her a chance to process the information.  Depending on her reaction, you can then decide whether or not to tell her that you have had a crush on her.

If you have any questions in the future please feel free to use Ask Trevor again or The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, or TrevorSpace.  We are always here for you!

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff