Trying to keep sane | Ask Trevor

Question:

A lot of nights I sit here and think why? Why can’t I just get over my stupid disability and learn how to drive? I feel so lonely because my friends use me… and I don’t have a boyfriend. I want to cry. I cut myself because I feel better. I just want love. Some nights though, I just want to be home… and if I go to a friend’s house I don’t like sleeping over… I don’t understand.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear lovemyselffirst,

Thank you for writing to us here at Ask Trevor. Your message addresses several interesting questions. In this initial response, I’d like to take the time to gather more accurate and more conclusive information about your situation, so that if and when you come to us in the future, we are better equipped to help you.

First, you mentioned that you have a disability that prevents you from driving. However, you didn’t mention what kind of disability. Is it blindness, paraplegia, or something else? Regardless what the disability is, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to cope with it. The upside here is that, in this day and age, with the right support and strategy, you can overcome any disability. And by doing so, you can live and enjoy a happier, fuller life.

Second, you mentioned that your friends use you. I would ask, “How?” Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. More information would certainly help. It may be the case that you perceive they are using you, but they are not actually. If they are truly using you, I would recommend speaking with them directly about that issue.

Third, you mentioned that you don’t have a boyfriend. From my own personal experience, I know it does get better and you will most likely get a boyfriend. More often than not, it’s just that the timing of your life and the opportunities you have are limited right now.

Finally, you mentioned that you cut yourself. As you pointed out, it makes you feel better. Often people cut as a way of dealing with emotions or stress. For some, cutting provides a distraction from or relieves the emotions or stress. For others, cutting gives them a feeling of control or helps them feel more alive. Perhaps, the reason why you’ve been cutting is related to one of the previous issues you brought up? In any case, cutting may help you feel better briefly, but the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it can become. I would recommend first to substitute behaviors to help you feel better. If cutting helps release anger, maybe hit pillows instead. And if cutting helps release sadness, maybe eat your favorite food. For some, writing a journal or doing something physical like exercise can help relieve emotions or stress. Second, I would recommend address the previous issues you brought up. By doing so, you can get to the root of the reason why you cut yourself.

It’s truly unfortunate that you have these issues. However, remember when it comes to support and advice, you’re never truly alone. You might be interested in joining TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org). It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality. And remember there is the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR and TrevorChat. We are always here for you!

Trevor Staff