What Should I Do???

Question:

Hi,

I was in a difficult situation… I really need your guidance.

In school there’s a principal. He’s quite handsome and kind to me… We’re not close and rarely talk. He’s a guy and I’m also a guy and I’m gay…

I got a crush on him… I really wish we can get close, at least close as a friend. But we’re not close and…
The problem was he’s normal heterosexual men and for sure he felt that gay people were weird…

Luckily, when I confessed to him that I’m gay, he understands me and so he did not discriminate me.

I really love him that I commit myself to him, that his happiness is more important than my own and that I will sacrifice and give everything just for him if he needs anything???

So my question are:
Is it wrong to love my principal that way? How can I be close to him? Will it be okay if I tell him what I truly feel about him???

I’m looking forward to hear more from you…

Thank you so much

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Answer:

I’m glad you wrote to us with your problem. You are wise in seeking help from a third party on this, as it could get serious for all involved. Your feelings for your principal is understandable, and not uncommon, and you are entitled to have feelings of affection to him for being so kind and understanding. You are fortunate to have such a friend. He sounds like a very caring individual. No wonder you are having such feelings, and feelings are never wrong to have. But it’s what you do with them that matters most.

Thus there are some things that you need to consider. First, unless you are of legal age, you could get him in a lot of legal trouble if you two were to attempt anything physical, or even that may be observed by someone else, particularly if such a relationship were consensual. That is something I know you wouldn’t wish to have happen. Plus, that’s assuming IF he even would feel so inclined. You indicate that he may not, and that is the second thing you should consider. If he is not receptive of any advances from you, it would not be good for your present relationship with him. Also, even if these were not problems, it would be considered a violation of professional ethics for him to get involved with a student. This is because it is assumed by society that such a situation is an abusive one, where the authority figure is using that authority to take advantage of the student. He could lose his job on this issue alone.  I know all these reasons are intellectual ones, and are hard to reconcile with your feelings of affection for him. But they ARE things that you need to think about.

Do be careful with your relationship with him, given your feelings of affection for him. While you may consider telling him of your feelings, that is something you need to think over as well, as your relationship with him might spin out of control from there on out. And that could be bad in more ways than one. On the whole, I’d recommend that you enjoy your close relationship with a wonderful adult, but not to try having physical contact with him or let him know how deep your feelings are for him. At least until you are of legal age and he isn’t your principal anymore. I’m sure this is hard for you. Unrequited love always is. But it’s not an unusual situation for humans to find themselves in, on occasion. But you’re probably best to look for love elsewhere, as you may be setting yourself up for a bad heart break. One that is self-inflicted and painful,  but oh so human.

You could try TrevorSpace in order to find other friends, some of whom may have been through such a situation and can offer firsthand advice. And you can always come to AskTrevor for advice any time you feel the need to do so. We’re always here to help you with whatever problem or issue you may have. And I’m glad you wrote to us and shared part of your life. Do write back and let us know how you cope with this problem. It’s been my pleasure to assist you.

The Trevor Project