Okay so I like this girl and I really want to ask her out, but I do this thing where when I really like someone I kind of distance myself away from them and so I haven’t had a full conversation with her in awhile. It’s like a quick “Hey chick , how have you been doing today?” and maybe a really stupid, unfunny joke before class starts. How do stop doing that because I find it extremely irritating and I’d like to be able ask her out without her being too incredibly mad at me for avoiding her when I wasn’t really doing on purpose…
First of all, thank you so much for writing to Ask Trevor. That is a very courageous step, and we appreciate that you have reached out to us for guidance on this topic. Second, in your letter, you describe feeling like you distance yourself from someone you like despite having feelings for them. This is a common issue for many young people who are developing new feelings and learning how to act and react to them. So know that this is not unique to you and that many of us have encountered these feelings.
You bring up a particularly tricky subject in your letter. Having a crush can be a great feeling – especially if the other person feels the same way – but it can also lead to potential for hurt feelings, so it is worth reflecting a bit and asking some questions before making any decisions. In terms of the first issue of why you distance yourself from those you care about, maybe you are doing this because you are worried that your friend my reject your emotions, which can be very painful. Perhaps you should ask to have a conversation with her and use the opportunity to explain why you acted distant. This way you could clarify how you feel and, if she is a good friend, she’ll understand and accept that. Though these discussions can be difficult, an open and honest approach can be the best one in a situation like this. But really this is choice is up to you based on what you are comfortable with. You should consider a couple questions before you do talk with your friend: Do you think she can reciprocate your feelings? Are you willing to risk losing the friendship if she responds negatively? Or, if she responds positively, are you prepared for a relationship or potential awkwardness afterward?
Finally, we want to remind you that The Trevor Project is always here for you, 24/7. If you ever want to ask more questions, you are welcome to submit to Ask Trevor again, call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386), or online at TrevorChat. You should also consider joining TrevorSpace, a safe social networking site where you can connect with other people your age who might be experiencing similar things. We are always here if you need someone to talk to.