I dont know who I am or what I am anymore all I know is im female but I want to be a man. My youth leaders want me to be straight because its right for god but I dont know how to be what they want me to be. I cut myself when im overwhelmed and im starting to feel that way again. Im sad all the time because I cant be who I feel I am and honestly life doesnt seem to be all that worth it anymore.
Having questions about your gender identity is a normal part of growing up and undersatnding yourself. WE understand the immense pressure being placed upon you. It is difficult to be something one is not. On http://www.transyouth.com/I%20think%20I%20may%20transgender.pdf, you’ll find the brochure, “I Think I Might Be Transgender…Now What Do I Do?” PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) “Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. Remember that there's no rush to figure this out. Everyone at the Trevor Project cares about you and your well being. WHen overwhelmed by stress, many people engage in self-harming behaviors, cutting among them. It's important for you to know that cutting may help you to feel better briefly but the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it can become as it can cause permanent scars, infections and serious, and sometimes life threatening medical problems especially if you cut a major blood vessel. It can also cause you to feel shame, guilt, depressed and out of control. There are websites available including www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm that can help you learn about cutting as well as additional things you can do when you have the urge to cut.
It can be very difficult to stop cutting and it would be important to tell a trusted adult about the cutting in order for them to find a therapist for you to work with to find safer and healthier ways to deal with the hard things you’re going through. If you’re not comfortable talking with your parents, you could ask a school counselor for help finding a therapist or call 1-800-DON’T-CUT where you can be referred to a therapist in your area. When you have the urge to cut, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor about what you’re feeling and experiencing as well as your urge to cut which can help to delay or stop the urge to cut. They can also work with you to find a therapist to help you. FInding supportive communities is essential. http://www.lgbtcenters.org/Centers/Texas/481/Out-Youth.aspx
http://www.cttgs.org/ Aiden, you are not alone. Fortunately, you live in a community that has local resources. Take advanatge of the proximity. Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.