How come i can't be loved by my family? I like both genders..I feel pain all the time, but no one notices or loves me. My family doesn't care I know this... I've gone almost a month without eating and they don't notice. I let myself get raped by my mother's boyfriend and no one cared....she didn't even believe me... what have I got to live for?
Everyone at the Trevor Project cares about you and your well being. We are glad you could trust us with your letter.
AK, there is a lot happening in your homelife. The greatest concern is the rape perpetrated by your mother's boyfriend. You are not resposnible for his actions. He is an adult, in a parental role in your life. Even if you did not resist, it is still rape. It is an attack against your wishes. It is a criminal act.
RAINN, the Rape, Assault, Incest, National Network is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization. On their website at http://www.rainn.org/ you can learn about the effects of sexual abuse, recovering from sexual assault as well as ways to get help and support including by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE. You could also contact the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists by calling 215-222-2800 or visiting their website at www.aglp.org for help in finding someone in your area for you to talk and work with about the sexual abuse/rape and your questions about your sexuality.
AK, many people engage in self-harming behavior when confronted with extreme levels of stress. Self-starvation is one of these behaviors. But, you have done nothing wrong. You do not need to punish yourself. Talking to a counselor will help you identify the issues behind this behavior. That is the first step to finding healthier ways of dealing with the stress. Remember you are not alone.
AK, you have been hurt. Feeling pain is a natural part of that experience. But, you are not at fault. Continue to reach out for assistance.
AK, if you need someone to listen, know, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, (1-866-488-7386), 24 hours 7 days a week. We are just a phone call away.