Dear Albert,

I obviously don’t know your father (I’m assuming the “he” you refer to is your dad), but given the fact that he’s your “hero,” I’m guessing you’ve experienced him as loving and supportive and not closed-minded and judgmental. I’m also assuming you don’t anticipate any likelihood of his becoming physically abusive or kicking you out of the house, if he doesn’t take this news well.

If those assumptions are correct, you might consider approaching him from the perspective of his being your hero. What if you were to tell him what you wrote to us—that he is your hero, that you have never kept anything from him, and, because of your love for him and your desire to be close to him, you want to let him know this about yourself. When you think about it, it’s actually a compliment to him that you feel strongly about being honest with him about who you are. If you didn’t respect him, I’ll bet your need to come out to him would not be so strong.

Do be prepared, however, for the possibility that it won’t go as you might hope, Albert. I’d also suggest that you check out the website of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (www.pflag.org). There’s a chapter in San Antonio, and they could be a wonderful resource for both you and your parents. Good luck. Please let us know how it goes.

Trevor

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