Hi, my name is Aldo, and i've been feeling like there's no other way than.. to run away i've always been gay and have several couples before but everything was on secret round my house since my MOM has always told me that she want's gay people to die together and that gay people deserve the worst things in the planet. Almost 10 years ago my mom told me that if i ever told her that i was gay she rather kill me or see me dead. because she suspected then i told her not to worry and that things were going to be ok, that everything was a lie. After that she was always asking me why i never dated a girl? and that i wasn't normal at all. 3 years ago she made up a fake facebook profile account and add me as a friend, and then i realized it was her because i looked and she was spying on my profile. A year ago i met this guy and we've been together since , he lives in a town far away from mine so i barely get to see him ( except from me going on secret trips and liying to my parents) but we talk every single day, almost every moment of the day. I have a job now and i just graduated college but haven't got my degree yet, then one day she heard me on the phone and told me that someone was sending her pictures of me with another male and she didnt want me to see " she always said it was someone secret and that it was so dangerous" .So she started screaming and yelling and pulling me from my clothes , and i told her to calm down and that we'll be discussing things later. After that she never wanted to talk about the topic and then she made up another fake facebook profile and told me that he was supposedly a men who wanted to kill me and that i had to leave my actual partner in order to save my life and my family. threathened me and said that i was going to be murdered and tortured so i knew it was her because the men always said things about me and my family and the only things that he said about my boyfriend is evrything that said on his facebook, so she stole things from my bedroom (letters and pictures) and used them to threat me as the men. I NEVER WANTED TO BELIEVE so i took it for granted! and kept talking to my boyfriend ( with who the relation is not easy because we've been to everything together on the phone and the distance and threaths has been doing our relationship not so easy). So i kept talking to him and tried to feel better everyday no matter what my mother said, but it was not until yesterday i was with my friends and my mom was texting me non stop about where was i when i explained to her before i left home. So i was with my friends and this man came and pulled me and told me that if i left with my boyfiend and that if i kept doing thingss the way i did he was going to kill me and talked to me in a ver inaprropied way, so i freaked out and started crying and i left the place with a friend till i got home. :( then i talked to my boyfriend and i told him that i had to leave him that i didnt know what my mom was capable and since the recent problems we are having he thought it was an excuse to leave him! when i love him and told me that he was leaving me! so i felt like a punch in the face then i came home and my mom was spying on me she stood up all night next to my bedroom door and just spying because she thought i was leaving. then in the morning she freaked out when i didnt answer when she tried me to wake up thinking that i did something to hurt me wich i really feel right now it's the only solution. Its A LIVING HELL like having your worst enemy inyour house. i've talk to my brother and he says im over reacting and that i should tell my dad. wich im about to do he lives in my house but hes barely there so he probablly knows but IM ABOUT TO COME OUT TO HIM i just hope everything is alright because i dont know what will i do, i feel everyone tells me dont worry u have to do this but HONESSTLY I FEEL SO BAD. MY LIFE IS GOING DOWNHILLS AND I FEEL LIKE THE WORST PERSON EVER
Thank you for having the courage to contact us about your situation. To begin, there is nothing wrong with you or your attractions for other men. NADA. ZIP. ZERO. NOTHING. Hearing your mother's negative comments about gay people may make you feel ashamed. But, you have done nothing shameful. Your mother seems to be extremely controlling and manipulative. This is the problem. Instead of being direct with you, she has created two fictional facebook pages to poke her nose into your business. (Talk about deception and shameful behavior.) Her inability to accept your sexuality is the source of the conflict. INstead of educating herself, she is trying to chnage you. SHe has been employing deception, threats and intimidation because she cannot accept you. Living with your mother is having a severely detrimental effect on your life. SHe is intruding on your personal life. YOU ARE AN ADULT. There is a point where she needs to allow you to be the adult you are. SHe needs to stop treating you like a child. And, you have to behave in ways that remind her that you are an adult. You described living with her as "living with your worst enemy". That is telling. Aldo, you mentioned finishing college and working. Is it possible to find another living arrangement? Can you afford to move out on your own? Maybe you can find a roomate to split costs? . Have you thought about how coming out will change the situation? In trying to figure out whether or not to come out, it can help to ask yourself some questions including: What does it feel like keeping this part of your life a secret? Does it cause you a lot of stress worrying about them finding out? Are you worried that if you told your family or your friends, you'd be unsafe physically or emotionally? If you told your parents, are you concerned that they might kick you out of the house? If you decided to tell them and they did kick you out, it would be important to have a safety plan, meaning a safe place where you could live and continue to go to school and a way to support yourself financially. Some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financially independent before telling members of their family about their sexual orientation/gender identity. If you feel now is the right time, that’s absolutely fine. What is most important is that you are comfortable and safe. You might find it helpful to write out and rehearse things you might say. You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you'll find an article called "Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About" which may be of help to you. YOu may want to develop a plan to find other living arrangements in case your father does not react well. YOur safety and comfort are extremely important. ALdo, your mother's actions are extreme. SHe has been manipulating you. Through her facebook pages and threatening schemes, she has gotten you to break up with your boyfriend. She has bullied you into ending a relationship against your. Continuing to let her rule your life will guarantee your unhappiness. You have to decide whose life you want to live, your own or the life your mother wants you to live. I know it is difficult to reverse this situation. But, by setting small boundaries, you can begin to create a set of a healthy boundaries between your mother and yourself. You can change your phone and facebook settings to block her access. But, if you fear her actions, you need to create changes in your life to secure your safety. Moving to a safe environment seems the most viable option. Perhaps, your brother and father can support you in this endeavor. Perhaps, your friends can grant you some support. Your mother's manipulations are pushing you toward thoughts of suicide. That is a high price to pay. Do you have anyone, a trusted adult, with whom you can confide? Finding somone to assist you will help immensely.