Dear Trevor,

I've been really confused lately. I caught myself thinking about my best friend {and other girls} in more than a friend way, and more of a crush. I've also realized that instead of thinking guys in the "oh my gosh, you are soooo hot," like all of the other girls at my school, I started to think about what would happen if I ended up with a girl instead of a guy. The problem with that is, I'm from a very religious family, and I feel like I shouldn't be having these thoughts at all. I mean yeah, I still like guys, as I have a small crush on my friend, Will. But I don't know what to do about it, and if I'm just imagining these feelings about my best friends {and a bunch of the other girls.} I can't ask my parents for advice because as I said before, they're extremely religious and are very narrow minded.
Signed,
Alyxandera , 14, Forked River NJ

 Dear Alyxandera -

 

Thank you for writing with your questions.  It can be hard and a little scary when you have questions that you don't feel you can talk to your parents about.  First, questioning whether you like girls or guys or both is very normal and natural as part of growing up.  As you develop more crushes and fantasize about who you want to be with, it might help you figure it out.  Sexual orientation (straight, lesbian, bi-sexual, gay) is a combination of factors including emotions, romantic and physical feelings.  These things can be confusing at times, especially as you first start to develop them.   Over time, it may become clear if you are solely attracted to other females, solely attracted to males or attracted to either - whatever ends up being the case will be perfectly normal and natural. 

 

Despite what you have been taught in your religion, it's very important to know that there is nothing wrong with being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or questioning.  There are many people who are religious who identify as one of these sexual orientations, just like there are straight people.  Though some religious leaders may believe and teach that being anything but straight is against the Bible and you can't be religious and be anything but straight, there are many religious leaders and members of religious communities who teach love, acceptance and equality for all people and are supportive. 

 

To learn more about Biblical scriptures that teach compassion and support for LGBT people, you might consider reading through the numerous guides on Soulforce's "Resources" page at www.soulforce.org and might also find something useful at http://www.welcomingresources.org.  If you feel you need someone to talk to, please reach out to a trusted teacher, relative, or adult friend or school counselor.  You can also always contact us at Trevor at any time, including TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org.  It's an online social networking site for LGBTQ young people, their friends and allies.  It might be helpful to connect in a supportive community where people may have similar questions and experiences. 

 

Sincerely -

 

The Trevor Project