Well, I really like this guy. He makes me feel like I'm special, and he cares about me. I think he likes me too because there's been times when he would wink at me, touch my legs, slow dancing at a school dance (it was a friendly thing, but he asked me to dance with him), and he gets jealous when I get a girlfriend or I don't tell him about it (I find his jealousy kinda cute though). But I'm just afraid to tell him how I feel. He's my best guy friend, and he's the only guy I've ever had feelings for. I'm just afraid that if I tell him how I feel. I'm a closeted bisexual, so no one really knows about it. but I'm also really afraid that he might not feel the same and will see me differently then before. I just don't know how to tell him how I feel, or if maybe he feels the same about me. and I also don't know how to tell him without worrying that my secret may be revealed. I could really use some advice. I saw a commercial for this website and thought it would be a good idea to come here since I'm still in the closet
Signed,
Anonymous, 13, Albany NY

 Hi Anonymous,

 

So glad you wrote to us about questioning your feelings for another guy and all that goes with not knowing his thoughts. You can be rightfully proud of yourself for reaching out for advice. Human relationships are by nature fraught with problems such as these, and that's life, and even adults, much older than you, can have these issues. At times, it can feel like trying to walk through a brier patch. So your caution is well-founded, and you are wise in asking for help. But what you are feeling, and the quesitons you have, are perfectly normal and part of being human and of growing up. And we're all bound to make some mistakes along the way. All we can do is to try our best.

 

I'd suggest that, being closeted as yet, you first try to figure out his sexual nature. Maybe he's gay, maybe not, but only you can find out for sure. You may even have to ask him directly, but if you choose to do so, first let him know that you're ok with gays. You don't have to come out to him (or anyone else) unless and until you are ready, and feel comfortable and safe in doing so. But concerning him, if he does acknowledge that he's gay, then maybe he'll want to be your boyfriend. This is something that only you should decide whether or not a relationship with him is right for you. Remember that sexual nature involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), or people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.

 

SInce you have identified yourself as bi, any relationship, be it with a guy or a girl, may or may not be totally satisfying. You may choose to swing from one sex to the other. But regardless of how you conduct your dating life, follow your feelings, as they will not lie to you. Be your true self, always, in any relationship, and ALWAYS be honest with the other person about your feelings with him or her. It may be painful at times, but ultimately the least painful and damaging to both parties.

 

Pertaining to your concerns about whether he'll reveal your secret, you are rightfully cautious, so be careful in what you reveal to him and when. Make sure that he won't violate your trust first, though trust is something you will have to gain over time with him. Trust is earned. Knowing if he's gay first may help in this matter. Also keep in mind that he may have the same concerns about you, so reassure him that his secret would be safe with you.

 

All of this information about him you may have to get from him in a subtle and tactful manner, and those talents are skills you learn only by doing, as we all have to do in growing up. I hope all this will help you in your relationship with him. You sound like a very responsible and caring young man. I'm sure you will do the right thing, and some day will make a wonderful husband for some lucky guy (or girl) of your choice. Best of luck with this possible relationship.

 

The Trevor Project