I really screwed up. I'm in love with my best friend, well now ex best friend, but I told her I was bi and she was fine with it. But when she found out i liked her, she started using me. I kind of felt like she was telling her other friends and I got really angry. After a couple months I couldn't take it anymore and we had a really big fight. Now she won't talk to me and she unfriended me on facebook. I wouldnt do anything drastic but I clicked priority because I need some advice. I'm not completely out yet, i havent told my parents, only her and one other friend, but i don't know if my friend that i told recently is completely comfortable with it yet. What can I do, I really miss her?
Mount Laurel NJ
Everyone makes mistakes. MIstakes are not the issue. How we react to them, how we correct our errors, those are the important things. You had a big fight with your best friend. Having disagreements, fights, is a sign of growth in a freindship. Right now, the strength of your friendship is being challenged by this situation. Your feelings have grwon beyond friendship. From your letter, it sounds like your friend was taking advantage of your romantic feelings. You are also concerned about her keeping your confidence. (Your parents do not know you are bisexual.) You want to come out on your own terms. Coming out is your decsion. You decide how, when and to whom you reveal personal information. You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you'll find an article called "Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About" which may be of help to you. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one's sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Get Support" then click on "For Family & Friends" where you'll find the pamphlets "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People" and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one's sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they're having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won't attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you. Do you think you can have a conversation with your friend? You may want to sit down to write out your dieas. You can clarify your thoughts on paper. Think about the value of the friendship, think about how you felt she may be using you. Whether romantic or platonic, reltionshps involve two people . BOth parties have to participate in making them work. You cannot control your friend's actions or reactions. Al you can do is approach her with honesty and kindness. You can try to apporach her about the conflict. You can speak from your experience; how you perceived situations and how you felt. Tell her you miss her. Tell her you want to address the fight. You can invite a discussion. It is up to her to decline or accept.