Okay... So I have already been diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety disorder several years ago... But everything seems to be spiraling downward. If I'm sad, I won't eat, if I'm anxious, I overeat. It's so unpredictable, and lately I've been feeling suicidal. I just completely don't know what to do. On top of everything, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian. I look at girls and I feel this rush... Not on anyone specific, but I just think girls are cute. Guys are all the same, but the some girls I have other feelings for. But I don't know yet. I just feel like killing myself... I dint have a plan yet, at this point I'm probably too depressed to go through with anything. I just feel really suicidal and need advice.
Commend yourself for reaching out for help. When experiencing depression, it can be very difficult to reach out for assistance. Through your letter, you are indicating a need for help, and in that act, you are taking care of yourself.
When you’re depressed, it can be very painful to feel and it can make you isolate yourself from your friends and family, because it take away your motivation to do things, making you not enjoy the things you usually like to do, make you sleep and eat much less or much more than usual, and make you see everything in your life in a negative way. Sometimes the depression can get so bad that it can make a person think of ending their life. Sometimes people think about ending their life when they're feeling very depressed, feel hopeless that things will get better and helpless to make things better in their life.
On www.us.reachout.com, you'll find facts about depression by clicking on “struggles with feelings.” You mentioned being diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. Are you receiving treatment? Have you mentioned the suicidal thoughts to your therapist/psychiatrist? Some medications will prompt suicidal thoughts. It is important to communicate any possible side effects to your health care professional.
Everyone goes through a period of discovery regarding their sexuality. Having questions is a normal part of that process. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attractions for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about who you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.
On www.bisexual.org you'll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find information that may help. On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177 you'll find the brochure "I Think I Might Be Lesbian...Now What Do I Do?" which may help you with your questions about your sexuality. PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) “Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity.
Remember that there's no rush to figure this out. Your sexual, romantic and loving feelings are a normal part of your humanity. There is nothing wrong with you or your feelings, whether they emerge for men, women or both. Do you feel comfortable discussing your sexualilty with your therapist/psychiatrist? Having a trusted adult, a close realtive, ateacher, or a school counselor with whom you can confide will also help.
You are not alone. Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.
If you ever feel you may act on suicidal thoughts, call 911 or get to the emergency room at a hospital. Your immediate safety is crucial in those dark moments. Please know you can call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours/7 days a week. When you need someone to listen, we are here.
The Trevor Project