Yesterday, I saw my first snow fall. Winter is coming but some bad memories already came. Before I ask my question, there's a story I want to share:
Last winter, I was walking home from the school bus. I was alone. That day was so cold, dark, it felt as if I was stuck in ice.
While walking, I saw a bird stuck between the branches of a tree. I took a stick and tapped the branches the bird was stuck in. The bird was then free.
Suddenly, a snow ball whammed into my head. I turned around. There were about four to five guys, all wearing black winter masks with matching leather coats.
"Homo-Husson," one shouted at me as he threw another snowball.
"Saving the birdie! Ha-ha! F you!"
"Whats wrong? Not gonna come suck my dick are you? Eh, fag!"
Then a wave of snowballs crashed into me like a wave. They were all dirty, icy, and rocky.
I figured to myself, Walk away. They know nothing about you. Just walk away.
As I started to walk, I slipped on some hidden, black ice.
All the guys cackled.
"Look fellas! He wants us to shove some dick up his ass!"
They all then threw one more round of snowballs before they finally left. I stood up, brushing snow off of myself, I took a deep breathe.
I started to walk again and saw the same bird I had freed from the branches. I asked myself, Will there ever to be someone to free me like I did for the bird? Will it get better?
My question to you is, does things get easier? Does it get better or worse?
I'm so sorry to hear that you're being bullied! Your letter made me really sad because it brought back memories of what I faced when I was in high school. No one should have to put up with this kind of abuse, yet it still goes on in and out of schools all over the country.
But, take heart. It gets better, although at times, I know, it's hard to believe that. Middle school and high school often times seem to make us a captive audience at our own degradation. But it does get better, and if you doubt that, head off to the library and check out the It Gets Better Project (www.itgetsbetter.org). Here you'll find thousands of videos made by people and organizations all over the world who have faced (and are still facing) the same kind of abuse you're enduring now. You are not alone, and hopefully some of the stories at ItGetsBetter.org will give you both a sense of solidarity with others in similar circumstances, and some new ideas about how to cope with the abuse you're facing.
There are also some things you might consider doing closer to home to help stop some of the abuse. If you haven't already, consider finding an adult to confide in, someone who can help you find ways of ending the abuse. If you think your parents would be supportive, consider talking to them about the bullying you're experiencing. Many parents honestly don't know what their kids face at school. They need to be told so they can become advocates for those kids. If you don't think you're parents can help, consider confiding in some other adult you think you can trust. Is there a teacher you're particularly close to, or a counselor you can talk to? You don't have to tell these people you're gay (if, in fact, you are). All they need to know is that you're being bullied and that you need help.
You might also consider looking into whether your school has a Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA). These are school "clubs" consisting of gay students and their friends and allies that meet periodically to discuss issues related to being gay. They're a great place to meet people in a non-judgmental environment, to make friends, and to get (and give) support. I'm not sure whether your school has a GSA, but it's worth looking into. If it doesn't, maybe you could start one.
Finally, The Trevor Project has resources that might be able to help. Having already written to Ask Trevor, you know something about us already. In addition to Ask Trevor, though, and to our telephone lifeline, we also have a program called TrevorSpace (www.trevorspace.org), which is an online social networking community for LGBTQ youth ages 13 through 24 and their friends and allies. Here users can create personal profiles and connect with other young people throughout the country, as well as find resources within their communities. It's sort of like Facebook for gay people, and is a great place to talk with others about what's going on with you.
Honestly, Aston, I'm sorry to hear about what you're facing right now, and am glad you decided to write to us. I hope that some of these suggestions may help you put an end to the abuse you're having to endure, and that things will get better for you soon. Please don't hesitate to write to us again if you think we can help.