I'm so glad you reached out to The Trevor Project via Ask Trevor. We are here to listen and help, always. Never feel that you are alone. I understand that since you are home-schooled and that your oarents are limiting your acticitites with the outside word, and even the internet, that feeling alone, or different, is natural. However, you should know that being gay, or bisexual, is not wrong, and that there is nothing wrong with your feelings. There are many gay men and women living in the world who are leading normal, happy lives - you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you.
I'm sorry you had to leave someone you really liked at oyur church, a boy, because your family freaked out. That must have been very sad for you. Nothing is wrong with having feelings for a another boy. Many young gay people lead openly gay or bi-sexual lives. I'm sorry that is sounds like that might not be an easy think to do in your community.
I'm very sorry to hear that your father is emotionally and mentally abusive. It must be very difficult that you feel your dad feels more love for your sister than for you. There is no excuse for that behavior, and no one deserves to be abused: evryone deserves to be safe and cared for. Have you thought of talking to another trusted adult? Perhaps someone outide of your family, or a neighbor? If you're not sure how a friend or another adult woudl react, you might bring up a TV show or movie that features gay characters, and see how they react to that. Do you have any trusted friends or family you feel comfortable talking to? It sounds that your parents are not accepting your feelings, so perhaps talking to them further about this is not the best approach. Do you have a friend or neighbor's house you can go to if you feel that your parents are angry and you feel unsafe? Having a safety plan is important.
In Tampa, Check out this center: Metro Wellness and Community Center
You can call them here:
In addition, you should always feel free to call 1866-4-U-TREVOR 24 hours a day, 7 days a eek if you feel like talking about anything, or have no one else to talk to.
You can also check out trevorspace.org, even though your online access is limited - you can connect with other young bisexual, gay, questioning, and allied youth in a safe online forum.
If you ever think about harming yourslef, you should call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.
Thank you for reaching out. It takes a lot of courage to express your feelings and be strong in opposition to many forces trying to chage you, so good for you. You are special, and you are perfect just the way you are, and The Trevor Project is always here for you.