Dear Trevor, my life is getting harder and harder by the day. I'm out to my family, and to a certain number of friends, but I don't know how to come out publicly. And if all of the people closest to me know...should the rest of my classmates, or teachers or other people I see on a daily basis even find out? I keep hearing about how once I come out, it will feel like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders. But the harder I try to be myself, that weight just stays in it's same place. I'm exhausted from all of this, honestly. I feel like the more and more I fight, the weaker and weaker I get after. And eventually, I'm afraid my strength is going to disappear entirely. I try to pray it away, I try to be the best person I can be, and I try my hardest to just be active and occupy my mind with other things but I just don't want to have to try this hard anymore. I feel like involunarily my body started giving up, so now my mind is making a conscious decision to follow it's footsteps. But I don't want to be this way. I want to be happy and enjoy the time I have now, and not have to worry about losing who I am or worry about what other people think. I don't know if I can come out to everyone at my school or in my life, much less if I want to. But if it meant getting this pressure off of me, then I would do anything to feel just a little bit better. I'm just mentally exhausted, there's no other way to put it. And yeah, I guess I am afraid that by saying "I'd do anything" that I would hurt myself. I know on normal circumstances, it wouldn't even be an option. But when I'm upset? I can't think straight.
Signed,
Avery, 18, Sumter SC

 Hi Avery, 

 

 

Thank you for the great letter.  Congratulations on being able to come out to your parents and friends.  That takes a great deal of courage.   YOU DID IT !  Many lgbt people realize that coming out is a process.  There may always be a time when you come out in one form or another.  But, the best part, you are the one that makes that decision.  You alone decide when, how, and with whom you share.  You do not HAVE to come out to everyone.  You can reserve that for those you consider friends.  IF you want to let the whole world know, that is fine as well.  You decide.  You can come out  one person at a time.  It seems that has worked for you in the past. Perhaps, that is a good way to continue.  Your safety and comfort are the guiding forces.  Unfortunately, we live in an intolerant culture.  THere are people that may "use" your sexuality against you.  There are people that do not understand that homosexuality is a normal, natural expression of human sexuality.  Likewise, there are people that understand.  These are the people to bring into you world. You mention feeling mentally and physically drained.  I am going to include some resources regarding depression.  Review the material and see what you think.  On www.us.reachout.com you'll find facts about depression by clicking on “struggles with feelings.” 

 

 

               It can help to talk with a mental health professional, such as a social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist about what you’re feeling and  to help you see choices and options you may not considered. On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and its treatment. On http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area. You could also contact the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists by calling 215-222-2800 or by visiting their website at www.aglp.org for help in finding someone in your area for you to talk and work with.  The pressure you feel   may be contributing to you lack of energy.  Coming out can cause a lot of stress.  You may also want to check into trevorspace.org.     Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is  the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality and coming out.  Everyone needs to be part of a supportive community.  You will find a comfortable balance.  WIth time, you will get a better sense of how to be yourself while maintaining your comfort and safety.  IF you ever need  to talk , we are here .  YOu can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor, 24 hours 7 days a week.