Hello Trevor Project,

I have had issues with gender and sexuality for a very long time. I was always the youngest of my cousins on both sides of my family. The closest cousin is 4 years older than me. This caused me to be very mature. When I was ten, that same cousin (a female) and I experimented sexually. I felt like it was my fault for a very long time, but I now realize that I was just trying to please her. My father's side of the family (the side she's from) is very religious, so we have never spoken about it. This rambling brings me to my actual issue. I have always been attracted to men, but am having issues dealing with my feelings towards women. I have seen women I am generally attracted to, though they tend to lean toward women that match the general physical type of men I'm attracted to. I don't know if this is just because they are masculine or if I'm actually attracted to these women. My mother (a much more open woman) has asked me if I'm homosexual because I tend to dress in a masculine fashion and I have told her no. I just can't figure out if I'm straight, bisexual, pansexual, or a sexual I don't know about and need someone to talk to. Thank you for this wonderful resource for teens and I apologize for the rambling.

Thank you again Trevor Project,

B

P.S. Sorry for grammatical and spelling errors, my computer is mis-computing tonight.
Signed,
B, 15, Indianapolis IN

 Hi B, it is very normal to question your sexuality especially since you have experimented with a woman when you were younger. You might have experimented with your older cousin in order to please her as you say, since she is older than you. Or you might have been attracted to her. It is no one's fault and I am so glad you don't feel as though it was your fault anymore. These things happen, and it is actually very common for children to experiment as kids, even though most people don't talk about it. You are actually very brave to address your past and want to know more about it. Many people believe it is wrong to have feelings for people of the same sex therefore they suppress those feelings which makes everything even more confusing. The best way to figure out your sexuality is to not think that it is wrong to be gay or bisexual and to just listen to your feelings and the way your body reacts when you see or interact with someone of the same sex. It doesn't matter if that woman is feminine or masculine, a woman is a woman, and if you notice that your heart beats faster, or your palms become sweaty, or you get butterflies when you are around both attractive men and women, they you are probably bisexual. But if you only get those feelings around men then you are most likely straight. It probably bothers you that you cannot label yourself as either straight, bisexual, or gay, but you really don't need to. Labels are for containers not people! It is perfectly normal to explore your sexuality and date people of both sexes until you figure it if you like one or the other, or both.

 

Here are a couple of links about questioning your sexuality...

http://www.wikihow.com/Know-if-You-Are-Gay

 

http://glbt-teens.yoexpert.com/glbt-basics-for-teens-12837/is-questioning-your-sexuality-normal-31386.html

 

I really hope this helps!