I have been bisexual for a very long time now, that's not what i am writing about today.  i have also been a cutter for a long time. and at the age of 18, Ithought it was time that i quit. the problem is, I can't. I have a doctor, and i am on anti-depresants and everything, but they don't work. when i get really upset or mad, i get an urge that i can not overcome to hurt myself. everyone who i care about says that they would be very mad at me if i ever cut again so i find every way i can to hide any marks i make when i do cut. it is very stressful, and i know that cutting is not good, but i can not help it when i get in the mood that i can't control it.  i was wondering if you guys have any tips or anything for me, or any recomendations other than going to see a professional, because i don't have the money for that right now.
Signed,
Bella, 18, Eaton Rapids MI

Dear Bella,

 

I think that it is great that you are looking for tips or recommendations to help yourself quit cutting. I'm glad that you have been seeing a doctor and taking anti-depressants, but I'm sorry to hear that they're not working. Sometimes it can take a while before they start working, so it's good that you want to find alternatives now.

 

People cut as a way of dealing with or managing difficult, painful, overwhelming emotions or stress. For some, cutting relieves stress or tension or they find that the physical pain of cutting is a distraction from the emotional pain. Some people are angry at someone in their life and take the anger out on themselves by cutting. Others feel that the cutting gives them a feeling of control when things in the life or their emotions feel out of control. Still others feel numb or "dead inside" and cutting helps them to feel alive.  It's important for you to know that cutting may help you to feel better briefly but the longer it goes on, the more dangerous it can become as it can cause permanent scars, infections and serious, and sometimes life threatening medical problems especially if you cut a major blood vessel. It can also cause you to feel shame, guilt, depressed and out of control.

 
If you feel like cutting, there are lots of ways to help yourself feel better without putting yourself at risk. Think about how you feel before and after you cut yourself. If cutting helps to release anger, you might try getting the anger out in another way like hitting a pillow, stomping around in heavy shoes, ripping up an old newspaper or flattening aluminum cans. If cutting helps you when you’re sad, do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted. That may be listening to certain songs, calling a friend or eating a favorite food. Sometimes, writing in a journal or drawing/painting helps a person to feel better. For some people, doing something physical like running outdoors or yoga can help relieve stress. If the cutting helps you to feel less numb, do something that creates a sharp physical feeling like putting your hand briefly in ice water or stamp your feet on the ground. There are websites available including www.safe-alternatives.com and
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm that can help you learn about cutting as well as additional things you can do when you have the urge to cut.  
 
I know you said that you don't have the money for a professional right now, but perhaps calling 1-800-DON’T-CUT, the informatione line for SAFE Alternatives, will be helpful.  When you have the urge to cut, you can always call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor about what you’re feeling and experiencing as well as your urge to cut which can help to delay or stop the urge to cut.