I've been with one guy before and I've gone out with countless girls. I really enjoyed being with that guy and girls. I don't want to be gay but I loved it and I was less shy with the guy. I've had sex with both genders and I'm more turned on by guys but I enjoy girls more. I don't know who or what I am. I need help and I'm 17 years old and I want to know what my life needs to be.
It sounds like you’re going through a very difficult and confusing time trying to understand and figure out your sexuality. People of all ages question their sexual orientation so you are definitely not alone in trying to understand this.
You said that you've had feelings and attractions and have enjoyed being with both guys and girls, which may mean that you're bisexual but maybe not. In thinking about your sexual orientation, it might help to know that it involves not just physical attraction but also emotional and romantic feelings and attractions for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (gay and lesbian) and people of the opposite gender (straight). In trying to understand your sexuality, it can help to think about who you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with, guys, girls or both. On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 you'll find the publication "I Think I Might Be Gay...Now What Do I Do?” which can help you figure out if the feelings you're having for guys may mean you're gay. On www.wsmsh.org.uk/coming-out/comeout.html you’ll find more information on what it means to be gay. On www.bisexual.org you'll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find information that may help. Some bisexual people have equal feelings for guys and girls, some have great feelings for guys while others have stronger feelings for girls. Though you said that you want to know what your life needs to be, try not to put pressure on yourself and to give yourself the time you need to go through different experiences and feelings with different people. You'll know in time.
You said that you don't want to be gay and this may be because you've heard negative things about gay people from your family, friends, community or religious leaders. It's important to know that being gay is natural and normal and that most gay people lead happy, healthy lives, graduate from school, get good jobs, have supportive friends and loving, romantic partners. PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is an organization that works to support LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning) people and helps parents and others become more understanding and supportive of their loved one's sexual orientation. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Get Support" where you'll find a pamphlet entitled "Frequently Asked Questions About GLBT People" which may help to better understand your feelings.
As you try to understand your sexuality, it can help to talk with someone you trust such as a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor. It can also help to talk with other LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) young people to see what has helped them understand their sexuality. If your school has a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) you might attend some meetings. You can connect with your peers by calling the GLBT National Youth Talkline at 800-246-7743. You can also join TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org, the Trevor Project's safe online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with young people all over the country, including in your own community. You might also find it helpful to attend social and support groups at a local LGBT community. You could contact YouthPride (404-521-9711) which is the only organization in metropolitan Atlanta serving all LGBTQ youth. They might be able to refer you to LGBT resources in your area. On www.binetusa.org you can search for additional resources near you.
If you'd like to talk more about this, please call the Trevor helpline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor. Our understanding counselors are here for you 24 hours, 7 days a week. They answer many calls from young people who are trying to understand their sexuality. Please know that you don't have to go through this alone and that we're always here for you at The Trevor Project.