Dear Trevor:

 

I came out to my dad today, it was the hardest thing ive ever had to do, and well he did not take it well, he says that im not allowed to come out at this age or decide if im gay or not, he says that hes gonna stop paying for my school and that i have to tell everyone that ive come out to, as in my whole school that im just confused and that im sorry for telling them that, which I do not think is fair, im well respected at my school for being out and people have come up to me asking me for advice on how they feeli about theyre sexual orientation, or for example someones come up to asking about the topic in general, this guy was homophobic and then after a few months he said that i changed all of his ways of thinking towards gay people after i helped him understand it. People in my school literally think that i represent gay people or well LGBTQ people in general, i dont truly think im qualified to do so but i do the best i can , and my dad just wants me to throw it all away like its nothing and go back into my closet like its nothing. i dont know how to love with myself, please tell me what to do or something because im literally out of options, and have nothing else to do, i told him that my school is my life and its the light of my life, that if he took it away hed lose my love and id hate him forever, im not kidding i really do feel that away about my school, and he said that id be taking his happinees away if i was gay , hes practically hoping to god that im not gay, and i dont know how to feel about that, with him knowing my closet would be basically open and now i have to close it, what should i do please help me. He says that i have to date a few girls and be attracted to them, I have no way in any kind of way feelings towards them in that way and i dont want to have to that again. I just wanna be finally open with my whole family. Please i need to know some suggestions on what to do because im out of ideas, or links to help him or anything, youre my last hope. Not to mention how bad it will look after ive helped people understading themselves, im not qualified to help them as i said, but i can at least help them understand themselves better, or tell them what i did, its just not right, sorry if im repeating myself so much, but im litterally in shock right now, i was litterally someone they looked up to and now i have to throw it all away. He says he might even take me out of school in general and put me to work, and end my life forever.

 

PS: sorry i made this really long, but this was the only thing that came to mind when i didnt know what to do, this is my third time writing to you guys so, im sorry that ive sent a lot of letters please forgive me and thank you for your attention

 

Brandon V
Signed,
Brandon Valdez, 14, Atizapan NY

  Dear Brandon,

 

I think you are amazing for wanting to be open about who you are.  And I also think that you are very brave for wanting to be a role model for others in your school.  You are a very strong young man for wanting to be there as support for others.  I'm sorry that your father is not supporting you the way you are others.  

 

The only time to come out is when YOU feel it is the appropriate thing to do. Since you are still living at home, and are relying on the financial support of your family, consider very carefully what might happen. If there is a danger your par may throw you out of your home or cut off funding for school or college, then this may not be the right time. If you decided to tell your mom and they did kick you out, it would be important to have a safety plan - that is, a safe place where you could live and continue to go to school and a way to support yourself financially. Some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financially independent before telling members of their family about their sexual orientation.

 

If you feel now is the right time, then that's the right thing for you - just be sure you are safe if you do. Of course, keeping your orientation a secret can also be very stressful - you must do what is right for you in your circumstances.

 

Before you decide, you might want to check for local resources that can help you. If you have a school counselor you feel comfortable with, discuss it with them. If there is a relative you know will be accepting, think about talking with them first. Your nearest PFLAG chapter should be able to offer you support locally. You might find the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf  helpful. In addition, on http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions you'll find an article called "Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About" which may be of help to you. Remember , take your time. Think about your comfort and safety.