I've been out as being transgender since I was 11 and yea sure a lot has changed but at this period in my life dysphoria is just taking over. After 4 years my mom still insists I'm just going through a phase and I just seem like the biggest disappointment in her life. She would tell me all the time that if I were to ever go through with changing my gender then I can just be prepared to lose my family. That totally sucks considering I love my mom more than anything dispite what she has to say negatively. Due to the fact that she just doesn't even attempt to talk to me and see how I'm dealing with all of this just triggers a lot of pent up depression and anxiety. For years suicide has always been that thought thats in the back of my mind but never went through with it in hopes that God would some how make my life a little easier and have my mom some how try and accept if not support me. At this point I feel like I'm in a stand-still and have lost complete faith in everything. Another 4 years of this is just not practical. A lot of the time I feel as if suicide is the best answer to all of this, a quick fix to get rid of everything that just feels like it'll never get better.
Thank you for trusting us with your story. Reaching out for help takes courage. FInding support is crucial. Here are a few links to LGBT resources in your area. http://www.windsorpride.com/Content/youth-program.html
WHen confronted with severe amounts of stress, many people experience thoughts of suicide. You mentioned previous expereinces with depression and anxiety. On www.us.reachout.com you'll find facts about depression by clicking on “struggles with feelings". On www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen_teenagers.htm you can learn more about depression and its treatment. On http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/ you can search for mental health services in your area. You could also contact the Association of Gay and Lesbian Psychiatrists by calling 215-222-2800 or by visiting their website at www.aglp.org for help in finding someone in your area for you to talk and work with. THe AGLP is based in the States. However, they could provide referrals and other resources. Brandon, if you ever feel you may act on sucidal thoughts, call emergency services or get to an emergency room. Your immdeiate safety is curical in those dark moments. Suicidal thoughts will pass. You may want to use them as a monitoring system. When a suicidal thought creeps in, that is an indication that you need some support. Currently, the Trevorline does not operate outside of the US. But, there are other sources for support. The Distress Centre 519-256-5000 operates 12 noon til midnight everyday of the week. Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your gender identity. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one's sexual orientation/gender identity. On their website at www.pflag.org click on "Get Support" then click on "For Family & Friends" where you'll find the pamphlets "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People" and “Frequently Asked Questions about GLBT People,” which, if you’re comfortable, you can share with your family members/friends to help them become more understanding and accepting of you. PFLAG also runs support groups where parents and others can discuss questions and concerns they have about a loved one's sexual orientation and where LGBT people can discuss issues they're having with people in their life. On their website, you can search for a chapter near you. If no chapter is near you or if your family members/friends won't attend, you could still contact the nearest chapter and get support and learn ways to help them become more understanding of you. http://www.pflagcanada.ca YOur mother may be having a difficult time understanding what it means to be transgendered. Perhaps, she would be open to attneding some PFLAG meetings or reviewing some of their material.Brandon, you are not alone. There are communities of understanding, accepting, and embracing people that can assist you along the way. I want to share a statemnt made to me by a friend: In the moments when we feel our greatest weakness, we are demonstrating our greatest strength. Brandon, hold on. Do not hesitate to lean on others for support. No one can make it without some support.