My mom doesn't understand me…When I "came out" to my friend, I lost a lot. I was down on it for the first years, but eventually grew out of it. Now, I’m in high school and like everyone here is gay! It’s great that they accept me, but at home my mom says, "Oh, what eva' you choose to be I will support you," but that’s not true b/c every time we get into a fight, she’s always blaming it on my sexuality.
Like with the clothes I wear, she'll be like, "Oh, I think you wear baggy clothes because you’re a lesbian and you want the girls to like you." She doesn’t get it: I wear them because I am comfortable in them. I try and tell her I am who I am…and I tell her…and tell her. She makes me so mad! And she wonders why I never tell her anything, but I tell my friends everything. I mean, she says I can come to her, but when I have something to say it’s about my sexuality, and she always has something to say about it like “That’s why you should be with boys.”
I feel like leaving running away, but I don’t because I have too much to lose. I tell my mom that what she’s doing bothers me, yet she continues. Please give me some advice, because the little I have gotten hasn't helped so far.
Parents can sure be frustrating, can’t they?! Even when they say they understand it often seems like they just don’t “get it!” You and your mom are coming from really different places right now, and it is totally common for parents of teens to have a hard time relating to what they’re going through, who their friends are, how they dress, and who they’re into.
You and your mom are learning a new way of relating to each other, and that can be a bumpy road. If you’re not getting supportive responses from her, it may be because she doesn’t know how to support you—even though she may want to. Telling your mom (in as calm a manner as you can!) that you’re bothered by things she says is a good first step. You might try letting her know that even though she may want you to be “with boys,” for example, that it doesn’t help you to hear that right now. Let her know that you want and need her guidance but not if she’s unwilling to try and understand what you’re dealing with.
Your mom may be going through her own “coming out” process. OK, so it’s not exactly the same as it was for you, but she probably has some feelings, questions and concerns of her own. She may not know how to ask those questions or share those feelings. Do you think she would check out a PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting? If so, you can find a listing of local chapters on their site: www.PFLAG.org.
One last thing, I think your decision to not run away is a smart one. As frustrating as your relationship with your mom is right now, it’s still better to try to work on making things better with her than being on the streets.