My name is Caitlin. I am 15 years of age and I live in Washington. I think I am in love with another girl, and have been for a long time. Every time I get near her the pangs of loneliness and an odd constricting feeling around my heart comes. It's been this way for four years.
I have never considered myself lesbian, and have never met one face-to-face. Considering I am in a school where even the principal and the counselors consider gays to be abominations, it's not a surprise. My bible teacher talks about gays in...well...unflattering ways, and to hear the one I love agreeing with him so vehemently makes me sick to my stomach…literally.
Approaching a counselor with this is impossible...they are all Christian and the last gay person in our school was ostracized for at least three years before the counselors claimed they had “cured” him. Though I wonder if the procedure worked...
Can they “cure” me of this wretched feeling in my heart, so I won't have to see her again that way?
We, at The Trevor Project, do not believe in “curing” homosexuality, as we do not view it as a sickness. If anything is sick, we think it is more likely the irrational fear and unfounded hatred that many in society direct towards those who are simply attracted, sexually and emotionally, to members of the same sex.
We are also unaware of any “cure” for a “sick” heart. The “wretched feeling” you are experiencing is something most teens experience at one point or another—gay or straight—and has less to do with sexual orientation and more to do with having strong feelings for someone who does not return those feelings. Only time and emotional energy focused in a more productive area will help a frustrated heart like yours.
If you do not believe that there is a safe adult to speak to about your feelings, we encourage you to call The Trevor Helpline at 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386). Helpline counselors are more than happy to spend some time exploring what you’re going through and may be able to help you identify strategies for improving your situation. Please call.