I have been really depressed, upset, and lonely about being bisexual. No matter how hard I try, I just can't accept it and be proud. Nobody around me is bisexual, so nobody understands how I feel. The only person I have who is close to this is one of my friends. She is a lesbian, but our coming out and being proud experiences are totally different. I would really like some advice and help on how to accept myself being bisexual and how to be proud. (By the way my mom hates LGBTQ people. I was raised in a religious family). I don't know how to be separated from depression either.
Thank you for writing Ask Trevor and sharing your story with us. Reaching out for assistance is a courageous thing to do. You should be very proud of yourself for doing so. You are also very fortunate to have a close friend that is supportive. Although you two have different “coming out” experiences, it is great that you have someone to talk to.
Sorry that you’ve been feeling depressed, upset, and lonely about being bisexual. When you’re depressed, it can be very painful and make you isolate yourself from your friends and family. You can also lose motivation, lose sleep, eat much less, and it makes you see everything in your life in a negative way. It could be quite difficult to overcome feelings of depression and isolation. If you are experiencing any of those symptoms, visit: www.us.reachout.com, you’ll find facts about depression by clicking on “struggles with feelings.” It may also help to speak with a trusted adult (parent, relative, doctor, teacher, or school counselor), or you can also visit www.trevorspace.org, The Trevor Project’s safe online social networking site. It can provide you with some support from your peers that could be tremendously helpful. If you still feel there is no one you feel comfortable talking with, you can always call The Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 24 hours 7 days a week.
Catelynn, it’s great that you, at such a young age, are in-touch with your feelings and that you have confirmed your sexual orientation. If you ask me… you don’t really need advice on how to accept yourself being bisexual. You have already done that. On, http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality- general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. Again, to chat with other young people like yourself, please visit The Trevor Project’s social networking site, TrevorSpace ( www.TrevorSpace.org).
I know it must be difficult that your mom is not supportive, and because of her religious beliefs disagrees with your sexual orientation, but please know that there are many, many LGBTQ people who practice and attend religious services. You can definitely be religious and bisexual at the same time. It might also help you to know that though some people, including certain religious leaders, may believe and teach that homosexuality is against the Bible and that you can’t be religious and be gay/bisexual, there are many religious leaders and members of religious communities who teach love, acceptance and equality for all of people and are supportive and accepting of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) people. To learn about the Biblical scriptures that teach compassion and support for gay people, you might consider reading through the numerous guides on Soulforce’s “Resources” webpage at www.soulforce.org and also reading the PFLAG guide “Faith in our Families: Parents, Families and Friends Talk About Religion and Homosexuality” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/FaithinourFamilies.pdf.” If you'd like to read more about various opinions regarding faith and sexual orientation, there is also a great resource online called The Institute for Welcoming Resources at http://www.welcomingresources.org/. It is the most comprehensive and up to date website devoted to providing religious and faith based resources for the LGBTQ community. Maybe, when you feel comfortable, you could share these resources with your mom.
You did not state whether you have come out to your mother yet, but if you have not…. In trying to figure out whether or not to come out, and who to come out to, it is helpful to ask yourself the following questions: Are you worried that if you told your family and your friends, you’d be unsafe physically or emotionally? And, if you told your parent(s), are you concerned that they might kick you out of the house? If you decided to tell your parent(s) and they kick you out, it is important to have a safety plan, meaning a safe place where you could live and be taken care of financially. Some people decide to wait until they are living on their own and are financially independent before telling members of their family about their sexual orientation. PLFAG (Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays), http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2, is a great resource for your family and/or friends who may have any questions about your sexuality and help them to become more understanding and supportive of you.
Please know that you are not alone. Do not hesitate to call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 24 hours 7 days a week, and feel free to write back anytime with any more questions you may have.