What you are feeling is something that probably the majority of gay and lesbian people experience after first acknowledging their attraction to members of the same sex. However, the majority of mental health professionals will tell you that sexual orientation is not something you can simply decide to change. Many would say it’s like a brown-eyed person wanting to have blue eyes. We really do not have intellectual control over whether or not we respond emotionally, romantically and sexually to people of the same or opposite sex, and The Trevor Project is not aware of any reputable method of changing one’s sexual orientation from gay to straight. In fact, we discourage people from trying to do so, as we believe it is more likely to lead to increasing frustration, depression and despair.

Perhaps the more important issue to look at, Chris, is why you feel it is necessary to “turn back straight.” Obviously, it’s hard to live in a culture in which so many people are misinformed or prejudiced against gay people and still feel good about yourself as a gay man. But that is the challenge for most gay people—and most are able to reach the point where they realize that their sexual orientation does not imply anything bad about them, that they are not hurting anyone by being gay, and that the “problem” with homosexuality is really more other people’s problem.

I encourage you to find a non-judgmental counselor you can speak with about what you are going through. And if you are willing, you might seek support for yourself within the gay community (a “coming out” group, for example)—it’s really hard to feel good about yourself if you remain isolated from others like yourself. You can call our helpline (1-866-4-U-TREVOR) to identify potential supportive resources in your area, as well as to talk with a caring individual about your feelings. Things may seem pretty dark right now for you, but I would be willing to bet money that you will eventually be able to get through this and feel good about who you are.

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