I am gay and only a couple of my online friends know. I realized I was gay around my 14th birthday and it took me until I was 16 to accept it.
I have a weird crush on one my online friends and feel like I am in love with him. I found out that he is in a relationship with someone, and I felt crushed. I have become really depressed since then; have had a change in appetite, am tired all the time and could just cry because it hurts so much to know he does not feel the same about me as I do about him.
I am so confused about why I feel like I do about this. I can't talk to anyone about it, because I'm not out. It is extremely hard. All I wish I could do is come out and find some friends that know what I am going through and that won't mind me being gay. I would appreciate any advice that you could give me. It would help so much.
OK, let’s be clear about this: just about ALL people—men, women; gay, straight—have the experience at some point in their lives of having strong feelings for someone who does not return those feelings. It’s part of being human, Christopher, not just a gay thing. I realize that knowing this fact doesn’t necessarily make it hurt any less, but feeling depressed over a broken heart is a really common experience. And I’ll bet you just about anything that these feelings will pass. The issue at hand for you though, is figuring out how to deal with them while you are experiencing them.
One thing that helps them pass is to develop another focus for your energies. Are you into any hobbies, after-school activities or clubs? Getting active and being around people that are interested in the things that interest you may help you to find new friends. It can be very challenging to get over a broken heart when you are as isolated as you are. If you’re not quite ready to reach out to find new friends, please give The Trevor Helpline a call at 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386). You are precisely the kind of guy it was created for: a young gay person who is isolated, depressed and feels like he has no one to talk to about what he’s going through. With The Helpline, there is an opportunity for you to express yourself fully, for the listener to ask you questions about your situation, and for you both to do some real exploration of what your options might be. Give us a call; it’s a good way to start getting over your broken heart.