I am Cody, 14, and need help. I have been dating this girl for over 20 months and I really like her. At the same time I am questioning my sexuality because I'm attracted to guys. I want to tell my family and friends and Caitlyn. One of my friends know of me being bi. I don't know what to do. I want to date guys to see how it is but I don't want to break up with Caitlyn. I don't want to get to involve and stay together with her because the hunger in me to tell and come out is craving me. I just want to tell without being judged or alone. I go to my high school and all of my friends are going to different ones. So I don't want to be alone than I already am. I just want help.
I'm glad you wrote about your feelings that have been coming up on you. That had to take some courage to write about. You can feel good about wanting to know yourself, as these unexpected feeling crop up and surprise you. Trust me, there's nothing wrong with you, as most teens go through these thoughts. Most of the time, it's "just a passing phase" as they say, but with some people, it's not. Don't fear your feelings, as they are what make you YOU. You just need some help sorting things out, and that's ok. You're entitled to how you feel. That's your right as a human being. Embrace your feelings!
The first thing you need to do is some soul-searching. It might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both. It may help to read about what it means to be gay or bi. On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 you'll find the brochure "I Think I Might Be Gay...Now What Do I Do? Also on http://www.bisexual.org you'll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find information that may help. PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. Remember that there's no rush to figure this out. Also, if you can find a trusted friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor, someone who may have experience with such issues, and talk to them about your situation. Once you read what these sites say and possibly talk to a trusted adult, you will be better equipped to handle your relationship with others, and especially your girlfriend. But only you will best know whether to pursue that relationship or (tactfully) end it. If the latter happens, hopefully it will be on a positive note. It may even be that she could become your best advocate/friend, who knows? But know that you need to take your time with these decisions.
And don't fear ending up alone if you DO decide that you're gay. There's a whole gay community out there waiting to be discovered, especially with a large urban area close to you. You'll no doubt find this to be true once you're out of high school and am an adult. (Unfortunately, under-age people are at a disadvantage on this point, what with laws against under-age sexual affairs, etc.). Plus, you can rest assured that there are other gay guys right in your own class, as somewhere between 2 and 10% of your classmates are gay. You just haven't found out about each other. But one place you can go to find like-minded kids your age is TrevorSpace, at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity. You sound like a level-headed young man, so I'm sure you'll land on your feet. And remember that we're always here, should you need anything. So don't hesitate in writing AskTrevor again. Have a good life!
The Trevor Project