hi, well i have a lot of problems in my life. for starters my dad was a drug addict he went to rehab 2 years ago, but im always afriad of him relapsing and leaving me again. and im the supposably the "popular" girl in school but i always find people talking behind my back and sometimes i don't know who my real friends are or who i can trust. over the summer i made the big mistake to trust this guy and i told him all my secrets even the ones about my dad, and embarrising ones about my ex asking me to do dirty things. not only did he tell everyone in are school and make my life a living hell, he black mails me with the ones about my dad. sometimes i think that if i just die that everything would be easier and i wouldn't have to be called a slut everyday in school then come home to find my dad passed out, only to go back to school the next day and pretend everything is ok. i dont no what to do or who to turn to.

Signed,
colette, 12, brooklyn NY

Dear Colette,

 

It takes a lot of courage to seek out help.  The world can be very cruel at times especially when other students are saying hurtful things about you to your face and behind your back.  Life can be very challenging at times but I can assure you it will not always be this way.  Let’s come up with some ideas to help you take these challenges on.  I know we can come up with some solutions to help.

 

I think it is a positive step that your father is in the process of rehabilitation.  How is your relationship with your father?  Are you able to express your fear of him leaving you again?  Your father is not a bad person he is just sick or trying to get over his sickness.  When people are drunk or high, sometimes they can do things that are mean or things that don’t make sense.  You are not the reason for your father’s drug abuses and addictions.  Additionally you need to know that you are not alone in this situation unfortunately millions of children have parents who are addicted to drugs or who are alcoholics.  You probably have fellow students who are experiencing something similar.  It is important and very healthy for you to talk about this problem, without having to feel scared, ashamed or embarrassed.  You do not need to lie, cover up and keep secrets.  It is very important to choose someone that you can trust.  I would suggest a teacher, counselor, family member or members of a peer support group such as Alateen. 

Check out http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen/how-will-alateen-help-me  I think you will find it very beneficial and supportive.

 

It is very important to choose the right people to talk to about the things you are experiencing.  I recommend speaking with an adult who is understanding and will listen.  Students can make very mean comments which are very hurtful.  They don’t understand how hurtful their actions are because they are still trying to deal with their own challenges.  As you and the other students grow older and mature there will be a better understanding and you will find more empathetic people.  No one has the right to black mail you and I encourage you to speak with an authority figure as soon as possible so they can help you resolve and end this situation.

I know things seem very gloomy right now but there are people and there are answers and help which can get you to a happier place.  It may take some time but I know you have the courage and patience to get to this point.  I am very proud of you for taking these steps in order to find help.  Things will get better.

 

If you can not find anyone that you are comfortable speaking with you can always contact someone here at The Trevor Project.

 

You can call the Trevor Lifeline to speak with someone over the phone.  Ph.866-488-7386.

 

The Trevor Project is here for you and we care about your wellbeing. 

We hope this helps and we encourage you to keep asking questions so we can continue to come up with ideas to assist you with your current challenges.

Looking forward to hearing back and we hope you have a great Thanks Giving.

 

Sincerely,

Trevor Project.