I am very confused. I call myself gay, I like men, I want to date men, I want to be with men, but I still have a small sexual attraction to girls. Does that mean I am not gay. Help Please.
Hi Confused. I'm so glad you wrote to us. The feelings and thoughts you have are extremely common and very normal amongst people your age and, frankly, all ages. It's ok to wonder if you are only attracted to guys or also girls. It's great that you have figured out that you are attracted to men and there’s no rush to figure out whether there is any attraction to girls as well.
Sexuality is not as strict as it's often portrayed in society and the media. Some people eventually conclude that they are attracted to only one sex and others conclude they are attracted to both. Coming to a “final conclusion” is not something that you can force and I wouldn’t make yourself decide or label yourself bi or gay even if you feel pressure from others to know. Attraction involves the physical, as well as emotional and romantic, so you might want to consider all of those elements and angles as part of your self reflection.
While you are figuring it out, you might want to take a look at this link: bisexual.org. It has a lot of great links under the “Resource” tab such as to support groups and other websites that answer questions you may have. There is a lot of information on there so a good place to start would be by clicking on the following links: Resources>> General Information>> ”Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG.” That has some great information and questions/answers you could start looking at. You might also want to join Trevorspace.org if you have not done so, where other people your age are dealing with the same issue as you. You can also call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVORto to talk more live, or you may want to find someone you know and trust to talk through your thoughts further.
So thanks for writing, and remember you aren’t alone in having the feelings that you do. Don’t stress about rushing a decision -- you’ll figure it out -- and whether you like men, women, or both, you will be OK.
-The Trevor Project