OK, it sounds like you’re having a tough time, so let’s start at the beginning: “Things just never seem to go my way.” Dizzy, you talk as if you are a passive actor in your life, as if things just “happen” to you without you having any choice in the matter. For example, is it possible that you still haven’t gotten over the guy who broke your heart three years ago because you continue to sleep with him and accept his treating you “like crap?” I don’t want to sound too tough my friend, but the next guy sounds as bad as the first one.
I think it’s important here for you to ask yourself why it is that you pick abusive guys—and continue to relate to them even after they have proven themselves to be jerks. My guess is that down deep, you don’t feel you deserve any better. But you do! And before things are likely to start looking up for you, it will be necessary for you to grab onto your life and make it your own. This means making decisions which are geared toward helping you feel good about yourself in the long-term (if not necessarily in the immediate future). One such decision, which many people find to be extremely helpful, would be to speak with a counselor about how you feel about yourself. If you don’t know where to get counseling in NYC or simply want to talk through your situation a little more before taking a step forward, please call The Trevor Helpline at 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386). Take charge Dizzy, and remember that we are here to support you!
Sounds like the more pressing issue for you is not whether you should label yourself “bisexual,” or “lesbian,” but what you can do to make some friends. Once you have friends, you can decide who you want to confide in about your thoughts about your sexual orientation. Without knowing anything about your situation, other than that you are home-schooled, it’s difficult to make suggestions as to how to grow your social life. This is why it would be best for you to call The Trevor Helpline at 866.4.U.TREVOR (866.488.7386), so that you can have a conversation with someone about your situation and take some time to explore what your options might be. You don’t have to be suicidal to call, just in need of some support from a caring helpline counselor.