I came out to a few close friends a couple years ago as bisexual. But lately, it seems like I'm becoming more and more attracted to girls. I'm beginning to think I'm a lesbian. A lesbian with bisexual tendencies? Lesbian seems to fit me more since I'm barely even attracted to guys anymore. And when I am, it's usually towards the more um... androgynous ones. I think that's the right word. But the fact remains that I'm still attracted to certain guys. I told myself I'd put everything out in the open by senior year. But what am I going to come out as? Am I lesbian or am I bi? I'm so confused!!
Glad you wrote to us. You've got to feel good about being out to your close friends. Just to be comfortable about your sexual nature being "different" than the typical straight person should feel good. Ok, so you're finding those feeling shifting around, and that confuses you. You're still a teenager, and those years from puberty and directly thereafter are often the most confusing of your life. You're normal in that respect. Truth is, lots of people don't have themselves figured out at your age, or often for years later. Mother Nature is a cruel and heartless bitch, and she often plays nasty tricks on us. It's part of being human. You should feel good that you ARE finding new things out about yourself. A person doesn't have to nail down his/her sexual identity to a specific, defined spot, and that's the beauty of our sexual nature - it can be anything we want it to be.
To help you get a handle on your feelings, realize that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both. You'll find on http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177 the brochure "I Think I Might Be Lesbian...Now What Do I Do?" On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=726&Itemid=336 you'll find the brochure "I Think I Might Be Gay...Now What Do I Do? and on http://www.bisexual.org you'll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then "Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG" you can find information that may help. Also PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual nature. Remember that there's no rush to figure this out. You may also want to talk about your feelings with a trusted adult, like a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor.
Just take your time and enjoy life. You have a lot going for you, with close friends who know about your "different" sexual nature and still like to have you in their lives. That should give you confidence. Also you can always use TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project's safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It's a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality. Again, remember that there's no hurry, so take your time and enjoy life. I'm sure that you'll have youself figured out by the time you need to do so. Hope you also have a wonderful life as well, and that your dreams and aspirations all come to you. We at AskTrevor will always be here for you as well.
The Trevor Project